I was reading..

Sharina Hwaiting!'s blog. :) Sorry if I spelled that wrong ! D;

So then I thought, hmmm, I haven't been updating my blog. *sadness*

Haha, and fortunately, I have something to say.

My father had just informed me that we are going to Pulau Pinang (my mother's hometown) for her uncle's child thing wedding. Whatever.

Hahaha.

Lol, so yeah, going to Pinang? Yayyy? I'm not sure.

I'm kinda sad to leave my lappy.... *sweatdrop* Technology sadness, much?

Yeah... and next week is UniKL registration day. 15th May.

I'm not sure what to think of it. I'm PROBABLY not going, seeing my parents' answers.

Though I have just completed an application form for KPTM (Kolej Poly-Tech Mara). Don't ask.

Hm.

Excited and anxious? Not a pleasant feeling. Feels like your stomach is churning and flipping all in the wrong places. Lmao. And next Monday is my next driving class. (Hurry to another soreness of my body.. -_-) Last Wednesday, I bruised my leg. I don't even know what I did. But it's pretty bad. Red and all. But now it's green, and that's a generally good sign. (Generally.)

It should get better.

My dislocated right shoulder and arm is okay now, though. I can actually move without flinching and saying, "Oww" every now and then.

Ohh, but I'm so tired right now. Don't know why.

Lack of sleep? Maybe. Maybe I'm just this tired all the time, who knows? o_O

So if I don't go online tomorrow... means I'm off to Pinang. Kinda excited 'cause then I can go on the ferry again. Though I'm seasick, ugh. Bad sea. Bad Amira.

Anyway, I think I'm done? o-o

'Till next time, whenever that would be.

Weddings.

Lmao, so like.. on the 5th of March, I'm gonna be attending ANOTHER wedding.

Yes, another.

I know what you're thinking; I probably attend too much to not be able to think about them.

So I've been listening to Big Bang *embarassed* and I thought, "HEY, I could do a whole post on weddings!" *got stuck on Taeyang =-=;*

But first..

Taylor Swift. :P Can't run away from her songs, aha..

And Taeyang!

Okay, um o-o I think weddings are fun to attend. I personally like to see the bride and groom's room. *little girl moment, weeee*

Oh yeah, so SPM results are coming out soon.

I've been anxious and all, maybe that's why my insomnia is creeping back to me.

And... my hand is okay! well.. I can move it, at least. Had to pay a lot for the x-ray films (-_-;)

Nyaaa.

Enjoy the vids. ^^

*ran out of words to say*

Until I find my ideas again, sayonara.

First post of 2011? Yeps.

As of today, 2nd Jan 2011, I've finished Season 1 of Shinrei Tantei Yakumo.

...So now I've got no more anime to watch, and I am wayyyy too lazy to catch back up on N. Shippuuden.

That, and Darker than Black is suddenly out of range -- Can't find it anymore.

I'm quite sad.

I also have to wait for 10 months until I get a year older. ..What a wait. ;/

Oh, and hopefully, I'll be registered next week for the L.

I'll get the P soon enough.

Dad decided to teach me how to put the petrol in the car -- Best(easiest) practical ever.

Okay, um, 2011 is weird. Hopefully the rest of the year turns out better.

I won't tolerate for worst. >:[

I'm done. Toodles.

Speak Now.

Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And, it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter cause you're dreaming
So, I took you in
Turn on your favorite night light
To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I had, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart
And no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, and never grow up

You're in the car on the way to the movies
And, you're mortified
Your mom's dropping you off
At, fourteen there's just so much you can't do
And you can't wait to move out someday and call your own shots
But, don't make her drop you off around the block
Remember that she's getting older too
And don't lose the way that you dance around in your PJ's getting ready for school

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

And no one's ever burned you
Nothing's ever left you scarred
And even though you want to
Just try to never grow up

Take pictures in your mind of your childhood room
Memorize what it sounded like when your dad get's home
Remember the footsteps, remember the words said
And all your little brothers favorite songs
I just realized everything I have is someday gonna be gone

So, here I am in my new apartment
In a big city, they just dropped me off
It's so much colder than I thought it would be
So, I tucked myself in and turned my night light on
Wish I'd never grown up
I wish I'd never grown up

Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
Could still be little
Oh, I don't wanna grow up
Wish I'd never grown up
It could still be simple

Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling don't you ever grow up
Don't you ever grow up
It can stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
And even you want to
Please, try to never grow up

Oh, whoa
Don't you ever grow up
Oh, whoa
Never grow up
Just never grow up

I love, love, love, LOVE Taylor Swift's Speak Now album.

Get it now!

Hehe.

Anyway, this is one of my favourite songs (though I like all of them O:)

Also, the Speak Now song. It's very... um, I don't know.

Quote, "There's like a Taylor Swift moment for everything!"

And that is true. Haha. I stayed up all night, trying to listen to the songs in this album.

Sadly, I do not have the original copy, as my oldest brother, Ridhwan, got it for me.

Anyway, I've been studying, whenever I could get my hands on my study mood. (Which, mind you, doesn't really happen very often...)

But! I'm done with school. Period.

And in three weeks, no more finals. Yay?

I don't know what I should do in three months. Yikes. Well, I'm taking my driving license, some cooking lessons (perhaps) and then... I'm pretty clueless.

Oh yeah.

I'm also drawing Summaya(l) Though I still can't make up my mind on which picture I should pick, but no matter!

I've three months to think about that.

Well... right now, it's 1:!5 and I have just one more subject to cover for today; Religion.

I don't know why, I keep having it left behind. :( Poor it.

Usually because I pass out, since I finish at 2, but today, I started earlier!

I'm getting better at following my own schedule. Lol.

You know what's sad about finishing school? (Or maybe happy?)

I don't get my privacy-not-so-privacy. Well, more socializing from now on, I guess. Depends on where I'll end up on June 1st. o_O

No, it's not the sleep talking, it's still me.

Well then, I think I'll wrap up here.

Takies!

Sigh.

Okay, maybe I was gone for too long.

Hello. Greetings. Whichever.

There has been a lot of things that troubled me lately. Most of which things I can't help but won't say on here. Let's just say I'm growing up.

though I do think I'm acting a little differently recently.

Not sure why.

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I've gone back to following people's orders and putting their needs before mine. More than usual, that is. Usually I'd put up a fight. Scowl. Frown. But now I don't anymore. Maybe sense has gotten to me. I don't know.

But it's nothing I enjoy.

Apart from the fact that everyone else is happy. It's enough.

I have an event this Tuesday, I hope it goes well. I hope Dad is around before.. or else, I don't know how I'm going to get to school. Walk? Not likely. Not in a dress.

One thing that's come fruit from all this misery... WAIT. Nothing's come fruit.

Meh.

Oh well.

Do you know what's funny?

I'm bleeding on the ground but I seem to hide it so well, nobody ever notices it anymore. Of course, exception when my bad mood comes along, then it appears very visible.

No worries, though.

I have hope in God, and God knows what's best for me. He can send me anywhere He wants.

I don't mind, really.

It's not like I'm living the life I want. It's not like I'm doing the things I want.

Not anymore.

Breathing hurts and it's hard to take steps, but I do it anyway, for the sake for my friends and family.

I'm holding on because they want me to. I'm doing what THEY want.

Not what I want. And, for the assurance, I don't want to let go. I mean, I want something else than what people expect from me. I live up to it because they want me to.

Strange, isn't it?

I'd usually rant about it and go 'emo', but now I don't?

Or maybe I do slightly, just not around people. Maybe with you slightly.

Apples was gone all day. I miss her. I wonder where she went?

Or maybe it's already time for her to leave me? Hmm...

Anyway, I'm studying... at 4am.

See ya. Au revoir.

FMI.

Monday 0800 - 1015 Malay Paper 1

1400 - 1630 Malay Paper 2

22nd November

Tuesday 0800 - 0945 English Paper 1

1030 - 1245 English Paper 2

23rd November

Wednesday 0800 - 0900 History Paper 1

1000 - 1230 History Paper 2

24th November

Thursday 0800 - 0915 Mathematics Paper 1

1000 - 1230 Mathematics Paper 2

25th November

Monday 0800 - 1000 PI Paper 1 (Islamic Studies)

1100 - 1240 PI Paper 2 (Islamic Studies )

29th November

Tuesday 0800 - 1000 Additional Mathematics Paper 1

1400 - 1630 Additional Mathematics Paper 2

30th November

Wednesday 0800 - 0915 Physics Paper 1

1000 - 1230 Physics Paper 2

1400 - 1530 Physics Paper 3

1st December

Monday 0800 - 0915 Chemistry Paper 1

1000 - 1230 Chemistry Paper 2

1400 - 1530 Chemistry Paper 3

6th December

Wednesday 0800 - 0915 Biology Paper 1

1000 - 1230 Biology Paper 2

1400 - 1530 Biology Paper 3

8th December

I LOST MY FREAKING PAPER!!!!!!! So like, yeah, I have this in Notepad, and you, my blog, is of more use to moi.

So yeah..

Welkomen.

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.
I miss you so much, blog. So sorry if you seem to think you were being neglected; I just didn't have enough... interesting 'misadventures' to rant about.

So. Yes. Now. I. Do. YAY.

I have to confess my feelings of affection towards visiting the hospital. Though I myself can't explain as to why. Maybe it's being around white walls. Not that I'm implying anything. Of course not.

I had a... um, nightmare? No, it was most certainly not a nightmare. Even though it should be counted.. I mean, MAY be counted as a nightmare.

A serial killer trying to kill my family and I. Nightmare? I loved the dream.

Well, apart from having to kill him with an axe (even though I must say it was amusing to have chopped him up >:] *cackle*) Also, having to tell Summaya that I might not be able to live. As I was concerned to have to chop him up twice because he's just... I don't know how to explain it. He looked similar to a norm zombie, but he was not of one. He was killed by me the first time around. To have to explain about the event about him still being alive afterwards just goes against my abasive nature. *coughs maniacally*

Anyway, yeah, since it's already Eid and all, I had done a lot of 'travelling' and socializing; both of which I should do more often. That, according to society itself and my ring of friends. (Though I am just happy being in my own Wonderland.)

Oh yeah! Since I was talking about having to die and all (straying from the topic of Eid and travelling and socializing....) I never thought that I'd be afraid to leave this world. I mean, I do not value my life. (Though I should. And you, too. Don't take me for an example. Really. Don't.) And so, I was surprised at the turn of events -- me being scared to death (it becomes very ironic over here, no?) about dying. Or maybe I was just scared of leaving her.

I've always had that trouble.

Countless of times already I had tried to leave the treasured friendship behind, forcing myself to believe that she is probably way better off without me around. Or just, you know, better without me on the whole. I don't know.

Depression has a way of talking that issue to my head. Several times.

Moving on....

Orange ring. Omigosh. I've been like, dreaming of it so many times now, I think I'm putting my hopes too high for it. Maybe.. what do you think, blog?

But perhaps it's best I do not wear a ring on any of my fingers. Remember what happened to the last one? I'm still like, scarred over that silly little mistake.

By the way, I now have a new sort of medication. Kinda. Apparently the doctors think (yes, I mean doctors -- since there was two doctors attending to me) that it's the muscle being... um, bruised? Something along the lines. Haven't I heard of that one before? And I had medicine to ease the bruising and 'burning up' feeling. Huh. Whatever. But I'm taking my sweet, sweet time to finish the medication, since it'd be finished in around 4 days max. From today onwards, that is.

OMG, blog, you know what? Yesterday morning, after I woke up (around 4:30am-ish), I started shivering madly and I had to literally curl up under the blankets and I had to cool down my temperature (a wet rag on my forehead, that is). I was so scared it might have been a fever or something. Fortunately, I believe, it was just a very, very hot flush. It shocked me. It pained a lot, too. Ugh.

Now that I think about it, I have a major headache. Probably from talking to you, blog, but it's okay. (l)

Apparently, blog, Mom met with Aunt Gee and Fara. I'm like, SHIT!!!!!! I wanna, wanna, SOOO freaking much to see her. I.. don't know where the sudden feeling of missing is coming from, but I just flippin' miss her that much. But oh well. She's coming this Saturday. In hope, my blog. In hope. And we'll have another rant session. Yippee?

Speaking of which, it's raining and my chest is feeling rather uncomfortable. Double ugh.

And guess what? I deleted his number. Yeah, HIS number. I was so mad when he finally picked up his phone that night, that I just deleted his number. PERIOD.

I was like, "Heck, you lied and won't care about me; why do I still have your number again!? *DELETE*"

I felt like I was no longer suffocated. It was the strangest feeling ever. Like, I so mean it, blog.

I probably should wrap up soon (chest pains and stomachache. The fish.) but I don't want to!

Um....... I miss her. Damn it. DAMN IT, BLOG. She's on a freaking date. ...Well, just out with her friend, but she called it a date. She probably doesn't realize how freaking jealous I'm enrolled with right now. Like crap, I even missed her on. What an unlucky day... >:[

I should get to sleep now.... I guess so.

I'll just lay in bed and wait for the pain to pass along, or grow tired of hurting me every few seconds. (Which is, like, kinda amazing if it does. Unfortunately, pain knows not of the misery it brings to human beings. Especially human beings, because pain is not even alive. What am I saying? Uh.... Just nod and say yes.)

Oh yeah, I also miss him so very much. Much love for you if you are reading this.

P.S. I also now have a student. I'm tutoring her English. Well, just on The Pearl by John Steinbeck as it's going to come in for our finals. But still. I have a freaking student!?!!!?!!?!? ftw. (l)

Missed you so, blog. I love you.

Goodnight. &&Aim, lock and mass murder;;