I hate my name

Story of my life; I used to hate my name. Like with extreme hate. I hated it so much that I cringed everytime someone called me by "Amirah".

I used to think, "Oh the name is so common, literally you can go around and find any Amirahs from the street" and I used to really just hate it. There was no end to my hate that I started spelling my name by "Amira" and not the full "Amirah". I did ask my parents one day, "Why did you name me Amirah?" They didn't give me the answer I was looking for. Or at least I wasn't satisfied. In my defense (if I could defend myself), I was never truly satisfied by anything. There was always a fault in something so I lived in misery and agony for almost half my life.

I don't know how, I don't know when, just one day, out of nowhere, my teacher was asking us about what our names meant. I told the class, "In Arabic, my name means leader/queen/princess" Literally my name means Light of Princess. See I did not know this before and hated without question or surveying what my name really means.

And I think this applies in everyday life, in other aspects. Sometimes you hate because you don't know something. Like you hate Math because you're not good at it. Like some people hate History because it's a lot of reading and the events just seem to twist and turn (especially American History, according to my Year 8 History teacher). And you can hate it, sure. Hating is a choice. But give it a chance before you choose to religiously hate something. Give it a chance to prove itself to you. Like I didn't watch Pitch Perfect before and it seemed literally everyone but me knows and seen the cup song by Anna Kendrick. But I hated it anyway because I didn't see it and I was not bothered to give it a chance. But once I did give it a chance, I thought, "Hmm, not so bad."

And there's this cat that we named Princess (or I named it) and I gave it food and I thought, "Hmm we're actually calling her Amirah then since Princess = Amirah" Lol

Morale (or moral?) of the story is, know something before you judge it. Or as the popular saying goes, "Don't judge a book by its cover."

Sincerely,
Amirah.

Insults 101

So an insult is basically just a word or a phrase. I know it's hard to recognize when it angers you but believe me, it is a word unless you give it power to be an insult.

Funniest thing happened to me last night, I had spent all night being okay... And happy. And this is weird coming from me, especially being thrown at with this kind of word. I think that, if you can be okay with such a word, maybe you are alright. There is no need to dwell on something that obviously means nothing to you. And that's how insults should be -- nothing. Because it does not, by all means, define who or what you are.

I think this one step will take you far. Try it sometime. Find the humour in the word and you will be okay.

Sincerely,
Someone who has never been okay before

Have you ever..

Say, been to the "I want to have kids" stage? It's funny since there is no "I want to get married asap" kind of thing, I just feel like I wanna have kids.

Okay, so maybe it's the sleep deprivation talking or the fact thay I'm using a baby lullaby to get to sleep. I don't know, I just want to say, "I want to have kids."

Maybe you've never gotten to this stage before, regardless whether you have a spouse or not(I'm boyfriendless, just saying) but live with me for the next 10-20 minutes.

I can.. Like, envision myself with 3 kids right now(maybe more), and it's the right number. They would be, a year or two apart, screaming and running around endlessly. I think that's solely because I was a loud, vicious kid. Yeah, so there would be just 3 of them and myself, and everyday would be headaches and headaches. But once you get past the diapers and baby blues stages, we'd have a blast everyday. Sleep would be the most challenging stage, putting past the eating and showering parts. And since there is 3 kids, they'd be endlessly fighting and I'd have to stop and put them in separate corners of the room. Ya feel? And despite of all that, we'd have bedtime stories, painting time, delicious snack hours (because I eat nonstop) and try new cooking together. All 3 of them, screaming and fighting for a taste, probably dangling from my waist (like I do).

I don't know. Maybe I'm lonely, but if it were up to me, I'd have kids by now. And I know everyday would be an adventure for us. (Now I sound like a kid's show, lol).

Anyway, really gotta sleep.
Bye!

Eka Jonas

Blogspot says the last time I posted anything was in September, 2nd, 2013. Wow. Like a year ago.

So this morning, like at 4 in the morning (yeah so I have random sleeping times), I couldn't fall back to sleep. Probably because I was worrying about not waking up later (it's now 5:36am), so I start my 'ritual' of listening to something that'll hopefully lullaby me back to sleep.

Guess what? What I listened to inspired me to write this post, because I had like, memories raining over me of my certain best friend; Eka Jonas. :)

First and foremost, I know it might sound cliche, but I am not really the type to wish on birthdays. Now that I think about it, I'm not really the type to do anything in that matter. But I just want you to know, Eka, that I know it was your birthday on the 10th of June, and I should've wished, but I think that, wishing is not the most important thing. I used to think that it is, but it's not. Because someone may wish you on your birthday but they'd be, "HB" and that doesn't really have much of a meaning. For me, what's important is that, for someone's birthday, especially someone close to you, you may not wish them in black and write format, call or anything, but you keep them in your dua's. Regardless, wish you the best 21 years and 21 years ahead in the future.


Secondly, I miss you. I miss you a lot. Can you believe it's been 5 years since we first met? Yeah. And I still remember clearly how bummed I was to learn that you moved away for the last year of senior high, because you were actually my only hope back then, to go through the final year of high school. But I'm glad we stayed in contact, I'm glad you were nice to let me keep in contact with you. :) I remember you telling me about you didn't like your phone anymore, and sometime soon, your phone decided to break suddenly. I remember ranting to you about the light in my room, because even when I closed the lights, there was a light from the house behind and it bugged me a lot. I'm glad the first time I went to Pavilion was with you, and I'm happy I found the book I searched for, with you. I remember texting you when my younger brother first went to MRSM, Pekan and now he's 16!


And the one thing that'll always remind me of you is your obsession of the Jonas Brothers (to me, the only and first JB). I always thought that was cool, even though guys in the class picked on you because of that. But I think, over the years, what really etches you in my memories is that you are a nice, sweet person. And I'm not even saying that because you are a close friend of mine. Sure. But the first things I thought of you was, "She's so nice" and "I think I'm gonna be close to this girl" And we did for the long run. You are one of 3 friends I kept in contact with after high school; you, Fatin and Sharina (yes, when she reads this, I hope she messages me or something lol)

And I know that it may not seem like it for the past 5 years, but you're always gonna be that close friend that I never forget. Sure, I may have temporary amnesia sometimes, due to my constant insomnia, but you get what I mean. Hey, that rhymes. Lol. Otherwise, I believe it's just we have a lot of things in common; you are probably the only person I can shop with and not yawn every 3 minutes (or every passing minute) and we share more interests than you think. That being said, I am also proud of you; proud of all you've achieved, and hey, you're already a bachelor student. I also hope you have the opportunity to do umra again. :)


Lastly, it's almost Ramadhan! Do you remember the last time (maybe?) we went out was during Ramadhan? Because I remember telling you how my baby brother, Daniel, was fasting only through midday. Funny thing is, you also have a younger brother named Daniel. And everytime I get on the KTM, I am reminded of you, because the last time we went, it was before the new KTM was released. You are also kinda one of my few friends that I can speak English with, in spoken and in text.

I hope you read this very long post, haha. I'm sorry it's too long. I do hope you have a nice day. Oh!
Before I forget, this was what I was listening to....

Jonas Brothers - When you look me in the eyes

Good morning and have a nice day! Hope you enjoy this post specially dedicated to you, our friendship and Jonas Brothers.

Go down or go up?

You must be thinking, "Where are you going?" No, not going anywhere for now, but I will go somewhere in terms of position. Earlier today I met up with a senior, a Master student (who I haven't met since last month) and I decided right then to accompany her to 'punch-card' her work card... or whatever that is called.
And she said..

"You're always sick every time I see you."

I blinked, "Huh? Really?"

"Yeah, remember during Eid, you were also sick."

I nodded silently,
"Oh yeah, don't know. Always sick this semester."

"Maybe you're too busy."

I thought about that, "I'm not that busy..."

Or am I?

There must be some truth to that statement, because a lot of people, especially lately have been telling, "Don't work too hard", or they might say, "You're too workaholic", or the simple, "You need to take things easy."

I do believe that I am busy. But that's only because being busy brings some sort of happy feelings. It keeps me occupied most of the time, and the problems that I can ever have is sickness and too much work. I don't have to think about other people not paying attention, or other people having problem with me. Funny thing is, the moment I start to get less busy, other problems find their way to me.

Heh. Back to the question, up or down??

Of course I'm going down.. but BEFORE you go down in any way, you need to make sure you don't leave a weak generation after you. :)

"Because the future of tomorrow starts with today!"

So, where do you start?

Erk... Okay! Let's go back to basics. What is a leader?

A leader is not just one who leads, but they who are able to leave a generation of leader. Leaders are also usually risk-takers, and they look back before they look forward. Leaders don't say, "Go!", they say, "Let's go!"

And ever since the last event, my juniors have been asking. "Who is going to replace you??" Hm. It's not just finding the right person, it's about making sure the person is strong enough to walk in the shoes.

A leader never simply tells their followers what to do, they are with them every step of the way.

Hopefully I can leave with a permanent footstep in the rocks. *writing mood. 

Drop by comments~! 

Target

*WARNING: This writing contains both the Malay and English language (separated).

Rentetan daripada ceramah motivasi oleh Amin Idris kelmarin, rabu malam, yang menceritakan tentang matlamat. Target. Goal. Objective. Whatever you wish to call it. Teringat cita-cita dulu, yang mungkin terpaksa diletakkan di rak “KIV” pada waktu ini.

                Why TESL? Looking back at the question I asked myself before I decided that I wanted to take on that road, I was reminded of many things:

1)      I see the old me in a lot of people struggling to learn the English Language.

2)      I want to show that learning language is a fun experience.

3)      I would like to introduce a new way to learn the language, since nowadays the English Language and the Islam subject is like a second subject – something most people take granted for.

4)      I want to show that passing the subject is NOT EVERYTHING, but understanding it is everything.

Everyday I would meet people who come up to me and ask, “How do you master the English language?” Something that I always recommend is: practicing. Reason why a lot of people struggle with any kind of subject or language is that they don’t use it in everyday life. It is only for the sake of exams. It is not a very good habit, since knowledge learnt but not used is a HUGE waste.

I won’t say that I had it very easy – because my road to English was not on a highway. It was a long 5 years of summer class, learning back to kindergarten books, to simple novels and learning the old English. I am still reading Sherlock Holmes book (for a year now, maybe more) and it is by no way modified. Hardcore old language.

That’s why I wanted to be a teacher in the first place. Maybe a lecturer, but I just wanted to teach. I wanted to show a different side of English, and I want the upcoming generation to appreciate language as much as the older generations did. (Since in today’s age, we look up more to Science and Technology). Since I’m by no means a student of a language course (and no subject I take since this semester and next involve language), I sometimes wonder if I can still take on that road. If according to Amin Idris, if your dreams aren’t CRAZY enough, it isn’t BIG enough. I want to give something to society(and the country), before I cease to exist. For myself, I still love English, prefer English books, most of the time I think in English (that’s why when I try to speak in Malay, the words just don’t come), and I listen in English mostly every day. Even lectures on the religion.

People might say, “You need to appreciate your mother tongue!” or “Japan stressed on their language and look where they are now!”  Sometimes I would get the, “You need to read more in Malay,” such and such. And people have the right to say what they want, but I won’t change myself for other people, or what they say. Even if you master your mother tongue, but if you can’t understand what outsiders say, you put yourself at a disadvantage. I know it is a sensitive matter, so I won’t go on about it.

Lastly, respect those who with knowledge, especially those who have given all their life for the knowledge they seek and have. We are in by no means at the level of talking bad about them. Br. Omar Suleiman would say, “At least respect them on the basis of seniority” and I agree with him. Sometimes we love to talk bad about people, about the things they do or did, about what they say, such and such. But we don’t appreciate the fact that those with knowledge are different from those without knowledge. So don’t put yourself in the latter category. Smile.

So I was..

Reading through depression. Just wanna put this up for future references.

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/expertadvice/problemsdisorders/depression.aspx