Sunday, October 24, 2010


Okay, maybe I was gone for too long.
Hello. Greetings. Whichever.

There has been a lot of things that troubled me lately. Most of which things I can't help but won't say on here. Let's just say I'm growing up.

though I do think I'm acting a little differently recently.
Not sure why.

Perhaps it has to do with the fact that I've gone back to following people's orders and putting their needs before mine. More than usual, that is. Usually I'd put up a fight. Scowl. Frown. But now I don't anymore. Maybe sense has gotten to me. I don't know.

But it's nothing I enjoy.
Apart from the fact that everyone else is happy. It's enough.

I have an event this Tuesday, I hope it goes well. I hope Dad is around before.. or else, I don't know how I'm going to get to school. Walk? Not likely. Not in a dress.

One thing that's come fruit from all this misery... WAIT. Nothing's come fruit.
Oh well.

Do you know what's funny?
I'm bleeding on the ground but I seem to hide it so well, nobody ever notices it anymore. Of course, exception when my bad mood comes along, then it appears very visible.
No worries, though.
I have hope in God, and God knows what's best for me. He can send me anywhere He wants.
I don't mind, really.

It's not like I'm living the life I want. It's not like I'm doing the things I want.
Not anymore.
Breathing hurts and it's hard to take steps, but I do it anyway, for the sake for my friends and family.
I'm holding on because they want me to. I'm doing what THEY want.
Not what I want. And, for the assurance, I don't want to let go. I mean, I want something else than what people expect from me. I live up to it because they want me to.
Strange, isn't it?
I'd usually rant about it and go 'emo', but now I don't?
Or maybe I do slightly, just not around people. Maybe with you slightly.

Apples was gone all day. I miss her. I wonder where she went?
Or maybe it's already time for her to leave me? Hmm...

Anyway, I'm studying... at 4am.
See ya. Au revoir.