Thursday, April 15, 2010

"Let's just break up."

Yes.. well, our topic tonight isn't all that swell.
I had... this, event, in which saddens me so.
And oh, just finished doing some Math, at 3 AM. o___o

Well..~ Hmm, where do we start?
Anyway, I'm sure everyone on earth experiences a break up or just plainly has had to leave/left by people.
It's.. normal, can I say this?

And no, it isn't me.
Sadly enough, it happened to a very close friend of mine.

I've always believed.. that sometimes, love is just a lie. It doesn't exist.
Solely, I'd lie to myself to console myself. Most of the time, no.
I mean, I DO think love is pointless; only those we love can hurt us, 'cause we've opened up to them, and whether you realize or not, we've allowed them to get through us.

But, no, sometimes, when it's right, love is ... wonderful.
The happiness.. makes things brighter, all that sort.
I think.. it's because, in the search of happiness, we must experience sadness.

A break up is normal between couples. And it's something we have to get through with.
I have, once, so my turn is over.
I can't say that I wasn't sad; I was depressed, and I've learnt to handle it.

The first few days after a break up, there are a lot of emotions involved.
One could feel... relieved, sad, happy (I'm not sure how, though, so don't ask me O.o;) and you know whatelse.
It's.. sometimes, so tragic, that one person... just.. leaves.

..Sorry, I'm having trouble concentrating.

Hm, where was I?

Oh, yeah, the first few days.
And then, comes weeks, months, years.

Whether you've gotten over it, learnt to handle/cope with it, or still denying and living in a lie, to console yourself, I don't know. You answer this yourself.

When I look back on how much I loved a person, I find myself so cut deep in the pain.
I know I haven't still gotten over it. I'm just coping with it.
Something happened, and, I know now, that I could never go back there.
I must save myself.
Save my sanity.
Bring myself away and find something more in life than that of the past.

It's called the realization phase.
It gets harder from time to time, when life moves on, you know?
Gotta eat, gotta work, gotta go to school or whatever.

Oh, and I'm listening to Maroon 5's This Love.
I wuv the song.

Hm.. could you go back to a person who's hurt you?
I've seen dramas, and I always say that it's very idiotic, and sadistic, for anyone to do this.
But as always, what I say comes back around to me.
Over the years, these past 3 years especially, I've become a sado-masochist, slightly. Especially with fighting off depression and all. So I was a mess. Sick from time to time, worsened chest pains, visits to the clinic, you get the point.

Sometimes, I feel that guys take girls for granted. Especially those who love them.
I mean, in the case with my friend, the guy chose his pride and dignity, than the girl who he claims to love.
Like.. don't they learn? I mean, sure, girls can be pretty messed up and retarded and all, but they're the guys! Supposed to be giving in, no matter what it is.
Not making things worse, and breaking up in the end.
I felt so upset about all this, I was actually screaming in the inside and... well, no details required here.

Like bleh.

I guess I'm still upset, having to rant about this in a post.
Oh well.
At least it's something to read..? Or something of a rant to read, more like.

I actually have more things to rant about, but I shall not push my sleepiness to such great extend as I must go to school in the morning, if my condition allows.
It's rather frustating, thinking that from time to time, I'd be rolling around in pain and whatnot.
Oh well.
I must get on.. with whatever else now.
See ya.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Kitty-Kat (l)

Oh yes, Kat Kat.

HI! I'm drinking tea and enjoying Life as it lasts, for the moment.
I just came back, actually, from cycling to the shop next to Smiles, and I was like.. almost crashing past this guy. 'Cause we both stepped on the same side. -__-;


Is it Spring already? I wouldn't know... since it's summer all year long in Malaysia. =P Apart from monsoon, that is. (But I don't think that's a season..~)

I'm doing.. Integration. Boo.
I can't even do a simple X squared times 1/X to the power of 4. I'm thinking.. it's X squared.
But I could be wrong, I don't know.

I spent the whole day.. like a zombie. Haha, yes, a zombie. I had to wake up early, even when I had no school today (on a Monday) and now it just feels weird starting the week off on Tuesday, but oh well! Spizzle spazzle. (New random word? Yesssss.)

I wonder what to do now. I'm stuck between.. not doing anything at all, and doing more notes. I originally planned SPM Additional Mathematics LAST NIGHT, but my friend/lover/girlfriend/bestfriendinthewholewideworld/mother(l)/counselor/, Mine/LOVER -- Summaya forced me to go to bed. In which I did.. 3 hours later. I slept at around.. 3:30? in the morning.

Maybe I should do that? Mayyybbeee.

I LOVE my cousins' Maths (plural now, since both Math and Add. Math) books! It's so awesome and detailed, if I fail Math, I would go run into the middle of the road and scream in vain. (Joking... well, for the most part. Hehe.)

But now I'm tired!
Do you know, that gastric pain, is one of the worst pain, ever?
It's.. awful, trust me. Don't be like me. Always eat on time!
Last week, I had one, and it was... terrifying, for the most part.
I was sprawling on the floor, trying to put aside the pain.
And since I ate, just before it happened. I puked OUT the food that I ate, including my third? last painkiller. It was.. a horrible sight.
I'm NOT going there again.

Putting that aside.. my chest pains are getting better. I mean, in a good sense, of course. I no longer have to cry to forget to pain. (I don't actually cry, I'm just exaggerating the pain here.) It's bearable, for the most part, unbearable, closing to impossibility of ever feeling bearable (I don't know what I'm saying here myself O_o) for the others.
You get the drill.

And the title is Kitty-Kat. But really, not to do with cats, here, unfortunately.
And my younger bruther, is off! I'm free off him for 4 days, ftw. (l)
He's one of the representative for SK's Selangor for Chess MSSD.
That reminds me when I had Road running..~ I got like.. what, 17th place?
Something like that.
But I still have a medal! Bronze, (l), for the school's Road running. And I had no chest pains at the time, so it's okay. Just during the darned MSSD.. Sniffle sniffle.

And I don't like Chess. =/ Reminds me of Mr. Hughes. I could never win against him.
And now I miss his History classes..~ Meh, what do you guys want to be when you grow up?
I don't know yet.
I'm probably taking English/Maths (if I miss calculating that much...which is ridiculous) or.. I'unno. Just English. Become a translator or anything relevant and worth taking and being.

Everyone knows this.
I put it on my door of my bedroom. And I told my parents about it.
9A+'s. Seems easy enough. (Kidding.)

I better get to my notes! Probably Islamic studies or something. Or History, ftw.