Tuesday, November 8, 2011


For these past few months, I have been diligently (mhm) checking my statistics for posts and my audience. I think it's safe to say that I'm quite surprised that my audience is of a wide range. Why thank you.

I felt suffocation yesterday.
Between deciding whether or not I should succumb to it, I found myself lost deep in thought.

Anyway, to start off, good day to you.
I learned as of lately that patience is not just a virtue, and you can't particularly achieve it through practice. It's through hard work and tolerance of the waiting part. And waiting for people is of a different thing, because you can, or not, get mad at them. But when you wait for some thing to happen, who are you supposed to get mad at? You're not supposed to. You're the one waiting. So why get angry at anything? It's serene waiting for something to happen. I have been waiting for what I have believed all these years to happen in front of my eyes, but maybe it'll happen to me instead, a bonus. Maybe I'll go to finding it within myself. Maybe it's near me and I have to decode it. God knows.

And of my consistently similar dreams of death, zombies and dying in particular, I seriously don't know what to make of it. It's gone for now, but I reckon if it comes back, I'll be able to face it full with my heart. The only decent dream that I remember lately was of my being in a forest of some sort and got turned into my younger self. I've been too tired lately to have a dream that I'd remember. Usually it's the passing out and being too tired to fall asleep that occupies my mind. Right before I fall asleep, that is.

A foreigner asked me and my sister. Something about 'bintang', I guess he was trying to say that. All I heard was 'the time' and I worked my brain and it processed as 'bintang'. He wanted to know which platform to Bukit Bintang. Hahaha. So hilarious. We showed him the way. It was on the monorail, by the way, in the city centre. I was out to watch a movie and just to get some air. My sister pointed out the fact that he looked familiar. I thought it was because he had a familiar face and he was probably German. Australian accent would be more confusing -- accents have never been my forte. I was brought up with no particular accent in my country so even if someone else, on my race, says something in slang/accent, I'd be very confused. Of course to people outside, I'd have one. Within? Not so much.

Oh, and my lack of Asda roleplaying, I am slowly getting over it. I do miss slaughtering monsters, wolves especially, and beating up other people. *deepsigh. Oh well. I'm about to go back to my studies anyway, soon, which means no games, no internet, no socializing in the online world so much, it doesn't really bother me. Not the leaving my friends, that is. And... no posting in my blog for the long run. As soon as I figure out where I'm going, though. I only have a week left at home and I still am not sure where I'll be.

After I've figured all that out, it'd be time for another post. I thank you for reading.
Till next post.

Saturday, November 5, 2011


I feel so terribly scared. Suddenly everything's in silence, like trapped in time. Suffocation sets in and this is when I slap myself. Hard. I did that and it hurt, so, I'm not dreaming. Thank goodness.

I've had stranger dreams by the day. Probably due to my sleepless nights, I suppose, but you can never be too sure.

And just a while ago, I had a chat with a friend. I think. It just doesn't seem like her. For the record, I am paranoid, PARANOID, of links in Yahoo Messenger. WhydidIclickit,facepalm. But it doesn't show anything, but I'm still like paranoid. Okay, so I have my family downstairs laughing. I feel kinda better.

I just want to get this out of my chest, but I'm the one who doesn't look at looks. I don't, serious. But... now I feel dazed. Maybe it's because I haven't seen the opposite sex in a while, I don't know. You know the feeling when you see something, or someone, and you feel your pulse racing? It's kind of like that, but a level below that feeling. Maybe two to three.

Hm... I have a trip tomorrow. Quite a long one, at that.
When I was small, I enjoyed watching the street lamps (at night) because it was yellowish-orange. Yes, and at that time, I wasn't yet obsessed with the colour. In a car, just so you know. The street lamps seemingly passing by you, when actually the car is moving. That sort of feeling, that brings up my curiosity and it has been said that every time you are curious, you learn something new.

Aha, I've been 18 for 3 days now. Nothing's changed, but it feels great on the inside. Growing older (able to afford 5bankaccounts,cough) and knowing that I can tell people, for real, that I am 18, whaddup. Ignore that last one, I am just exhausted.

Have you ever had that feeling that you are alone, and no matter how many times you try to convince yourself that you really aren't, you can't seem to shake the thought off? I've been feeling like that for the past few days, in conjunction with my sleepless nights. Maybe it's because I've had too much free time, which equals to too much thinking time. Which never seems to be of a good thing for me, if not for classes, tests and exams.

Loneliness always brings me back to my childhood days.
I actually had that awesome dream where I was brought to a ticket booth on a walk and I got a ticket, entered it and suddenly became my young self. It was awesome. I guess. I enjoyed it, yes, even with the getting shorter part. I was walking with a boy and two girls. We were on some trip and in the end, I had to go back to the real life and became adult again. ...Am I an adult? Haha. I was on crutches. I wrote a passage on the whole thing, and somehow managed to link it to my short story where the main got into a fatal accident. Explains the crutches whole thing.
If I recall correctly, I was in a dress. When I was small, I had a lot of them. As I grew older, it became awkward kind of and now I just prefer pants and whatnot.

Ugh... my craving is slowly making me nauseous. No, I'm not pregnant. *shake fist* And I'm not in my monthly pain. My stomach has just been acting shady since two days ago.

Well, this has been my November's first post and I thank you for reading.
Until next post.

Let me play it loud(8)