Saturday, November 5, 2011


I feel so terribly scared. Suddenly everything's in silence, like trapped in time. Suffocation sets in and this is when I slap myself. Hard. I did that and it hurt, so, I'm not dreaming. Thank goodness.

I've had stranger dreams by the day. Probably due to my sleepless nights, I suppose, but you can never be too sure.

And just a while ago, I had a chat with a friend. I think. It just doesn't seem like her. For the record, I am paranoid, PARANOID, of links in Yahoo Messenger. WhydidIclickit,facepalm. But it doesn't show anything, but I'm still like paranoid. Okay, so I have my family downstairs laughing. I feel kinda better.

I just want to get this out of my chest, but I'm the one who doesn't look at looks. I don't, serious. But... now I feel dazed. Maybe it's because I haven't seen the opposite sex in a while, I don't know. You know the feeling when you see something, or someone, and you feel your pulse racing? It's kind of like that, but a level below that feeling. Maybe two to three.

Hm... I have a trip tomorrow. Quite a long one, at that.
When I was small, I enjoyed watching the street lamps (at night) because it was yellowish-orange. Yes, and at that time, I wasn't yet obsessed with the colour. In a car, just so you know. The street lamps seemingly passing by you, when actually the car is moving. That sort of feeling, that brings up my curiosity and it has been said that every time you are curious, you learn something new.

Aha, I've been 18 for 3 days now. Nothing's changed, but it feels great on the inside. Growing older (able to afford 5bankaccounts,cough) and knowing that I can tell people, for real, that I am 18, whaddup. Ignore that last one, I am just exhausted.

Have you ever had that feeling that you are alone, and no matter how many times you try to convince yourself that you really aren't, you can't seem to shake the thought off? I've been feeling like that for the past few days, in conjunction with my sleepless nights. Maybe it's because I've had too much free time, which equals to too much thinking time. Which never seems to be of a good thing for me, if not for classes, tests and exams.

Loneliness always brings me back to my childhood days.
I actually had that awesome dream where I was brought to a ticket booth on a walk and I got a ticket, entered it and suddenly became my young self. It was awesome. I guess. I enjoyed it, yes, even with the getting shorter part. I was walking with a boy and two girls. We were on some trip and in the end, I had to go back to the real life and became adult again. ...Am I an adult? Haha. I was on crutches. I wrote a passage on the whole thing, and somehow managed to link it to my short story where the main got into a fatal accident. Explains the crutches whole thing.
If I recall correctly, I was in a dress. When I was small, I had a lot of them. As I grew older, it became awkward kind of and now I just prefer pants and whatnot.

Ugh... my craving is slowly making me nauseous. No, I'm not pregnant. *shake fist* And I'm not in my monthly pain. My stomach has just been acting shady since two days ago.

Well, this has been my November's first post and I thank you for reading.
Until next post.

Let me play it loud(8)

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