Sunday, May 23, 2010


Okay, again, I don't remember the last time I updated this blog, but oh well.

I'm alive and well, amazingly.

Hm... this week is exam week, again. Will continue till the next.
I'm just.. very exhausted. Tired of reading.
And so, sleep is an important time right now (as it is always) but I don't know why, I'm awake at this hour.

First thing's first;
my form teacher.

Unfortunately (or fortunately..?) she met my mother last Thursday and they were talking about me. -_-
Like.. yes, I do like her way of teaching, I think I've told my mother about it, too.
But it's like, a mockery to me, the way my mother told me what my teacher told her.
I was just, forgive my language, pissed off that day.
VERY much so.

Second, my body is slowly being teared apart. Everything hurts.
Apparently there's a bump on my head, too, and that scares the hell out me.
When and where did I get that bump?
God knows and I think I'll go psychotic by the end of this month.
I don't know.
Just an intuition.

Thirdly, yesterday, on Saturday, I went out to this mall, called the 'ioi mall'.
One word; huge.
It was absolutely amazing!
And me, being the anti-social type, was simply amazed... no, awed by the size.
I seriously could easily get lost there, though. ...Which is scary to an extent.
Anyway, we went there (my family and I) because my father's friend asked us out to go bowling with this (Should I say important? He's just the brother of the Minister of Defense, though) family. You know, just to get to meet each other or something.
I had this feeling that I've seen them before. Oh, yes, at this wedding (huge wedding, by the way, according to the amount of people invited and the size of the.. place of the wedding) where we were invited as well.
(Random comment, but I feel like I've attended a good amount of weddings already this year.)

Yes, so I was wandering around. I only went because I had to purchase new earphones and the.. 'connection' thing for my phone. (It's like for this.. handsfree [Took me long enough to figure that out])

I don't know about most girls, but since my mother said all girls would like shopping, apart from a few percentage (like myself) who don't, but like, I enjoyed being there. It reminds me of the time, I went shopping with my former best friend (who, by the way, I haven't been able to reach, because I heard her mother is holding her phone, due to reasons) and this other girl who took me by the hand, and dragged me everywhere.
I liked it, regardless. Since I'm not really the type to go out. (Because.. well, the outside world doesn't really appeal to me. Though it would be nice, if I knew how to roam around [by myself, more importantly] and actually have somewhere to go to, like most teenagers my age.)

Anyway.. where was I?
Oh yeah, shopping. With this girl. Well, I was just dragged around, so I was forced to look at shoes and stuff she looked at.
Seeing her enjoyment brought me enjoyment.
I didn't really know why she held my hand O_o, or maybe it's because I walked too slow? Or didn't seem to care? Either way, I'm glad she did.

That was... a moment for me. Something to remember.

Hm.. I seem to have gotten lost from the topic I was talking about. x_X
Oh yeah, the mall.
New earphones.
Which I've gotten now, yay.


I was wearing shades in the mall. So everyone, mostly I think, stared at me.
In which my brother told me, even though I knew already.

Him : "People are staring at you."

Me : "I know. That was my purpose. So they would stare. Now I'll never feel neglected. :D"

Him : "Yeah. You'll be known as the girl who wore shades in the mall. xD"

I wore them half way, but since I have glasses, I had to switch them from time to time.
To like.. I don't know. o_O The shades kinda make me feel short. ...Which is horrible, 'cause I hate feeling short. (Though maybe I am short, anyway.. -_-)

Then when we finally reached the bowling area, third floor, Uncle Fuad (my father's friend who invited us) and Uncle Luqman (the man, yes, the brother of the Minister of Defence. [Random comment #2; everytime I refer to him as the brother of the Minister of Defence, I feel.. um, how do I say this? I don't like.. referring to people as in their ranks, connection to people, and so on. I think that's.. I don't know, very... immature to an extent. It's like, knowing people just because they have extra sweets and not for themselves. I don't like that. It's ..not really my thing. I kinda despise it.]) was already there, I think they started a few rounds.

I didn't want to play, so my brother and I actually planned to play in the cyber cafe, but then I found out we can't really play there. (Long story cut short -- It's not really the cyber cafe.)

We went around for a bit, roamed around the computer area and he ended up (also myself for a moment) looking at this 'Warcraft' (I think? So long since I've seen anyone play that game) on one of the TV screens. The player was pretty amazing. Even I, who have no skills whatsoever in that sort of games, knew that.

Like my brother said, "That's why you don't control everything. You are only one." He said to me saying that I can't really play that sort of games, because I won't know how to manage things that happened. Apart from Red Alert. (This... Gee, does anyone not know Red Alert? It's so cool. Territory. Like a military game, should I say? Tanks, heli's, um, soldiers, and all that. The goal is to conquer. Oh! Or maybe it was 'Command and Conquer'? One of them.) I actually managed to handle everything, until I messed it up by sending all my troops to one point on the map and not one group by one group. (That was dumb, by the way. I should've thought first. Oh well.)

After roaming around, I decided to go back to where my parents were, because I was tired from walking too much. Huge place.

This time, I put on my shades again. xD Uncle Fuad was like, wow O_o.
I shrugged at him and smiled.

Anyway, if you haven't noticed from the way I put it, I really like attention. Who doesn't? I even read that women supposedly love attention. Heck, even I do. And I don't even consider myself as a real girl.

After all that, after some photos and whatnot (I'm skipping 'cause my head hurts right now) we all went to eat dinner. (Around 9, I believe, I remember telling myself, "We're not going to make it" and looked at my watch when it was 2100.)

The food was alright, but it reminded me of my cat.
I'm not.
Haha, and that's because I think ahead of my typing. (Most of the times, anyway.)

My cat, Mimie, used to eat rice with some soy sauce and pieces of fish.
To me, it was a delicious meal, too. And no, I do not eat with my cat. It's not really advised to eat with your pets, by the way. o-o

But no, anyway, it wasn't fish. That time, it was chicken.
It's been a while since I ate like that.
Brought back good and bad memories.

When we finally got back from the place, we departed and headed home.
Yes, you've guessed right, I told my parents about the whole 'referring to people' thing and my father was like, "Good, good!" I'm not sure if that was sarcasm but whatever. I rolled my eyes and forced myself to sleep, but I couldn't.

And all the while, I was looking at my phone.
I've been doing that for a while. Staring at my phone.
I think ever since the start of last week.
I wished a certain someone to text me, but I wasn't disappointed when none came in. I kinda expected it, but I kept on hoping. Who knows, maybe things could change. Naive thinking, I know, but that's the fun of being immature.
Not in the sense that I do not know how to mature, but I mean, I'm naive in a lot of things. Which, by the way, is bad, when it 'attacks' you in such a way. I must admit, I don't like it myself. But I get over it, because I think that, if I'm naive, then I am. I can't change until I want to. Or if somehow, a situation, hopefully not a person. (Apart from Maya. She's allowed to change me, in all sort of ways.)

But until then, I'm going to stay as a 'kid'.

Okay... too much?
If anyone read this, it'd be pretty amazing.
Not that it's not wanted, it's just not expected.

I think.. I should go back to sleep. I can't afford to blank out tomorrow, even though it's Religion studies. I believe it's important, too. I NEED to get all A's.
You have no idea how much it means to me to achieve that.

Anyway, yeah, my head is sleeping. Or/and maybe me myself, as well.

Last but not least, I'm ending with a thank you.
To anyone who reads this. For reading. And acknowledging the existence of this blog. O_o
Thank you.


Tuesday, May 4, 2010


What is happiness?

I'm sure a lot of you will say, "Duh, happiness is feeling happy."

But what makes one happy? How do you explain that 'happy' feeling? 

Joy? Feeling like the world has your back? Whatever it is that makes you happy, we all should chase happiness, right?


And yes, yes, I can't lie, I'm happy right now.

I'm not sure when was the last time I felt this happy, but I can't explain the feeling myself.

All I could think of is the consequent event that makes me 'happy'.

First... seeing this person from afar and seeing that person smile.

It really made me happy, (apart from drinking blackcurrant water at the time.) [Oho, yes.] and that 'happy picture' is still in my head.

Though when that person looked at my direction, I had to look another way. Because, well, er, this is a bit complicated to explain why.

Actually, to be honest, I've been feeling this way since Monday morning. Of which, mine, was spent with one of the brightest, funniest, crazy friend of mine [from another class].

We were all gigglish during assembly. At first she, as always, was talking about her past experience with guys (who she explained as being perfect; tall, handsome, smart [picky girl? Maybe, but she probably deserves much more than that, her being the same. Not the handsome part, of course. x3])

Anyway, yeah, she was talking to me, as always. I, was just the listener, playing my part as to smile and nod every few moments just so she doesn't think that I don't listen. Because I do, but I'm not really comfortable with looking straight at her. I was nodding every once in a while, haha, and then assembly started and she sat right next to me. As usual. Nothing new, yet.

I'm not sure why, but some people have this... 'need', if I can say, to hold my hand. As she did. But she says it's because she likes talking to me, and I was all O_o *touched* and that she likes being with me (of which I took as a compliment. Is it not?).

Then she said.. "It feels like we're a guy and girl."

I bursted out laughing but had to hold back because the teacher was talking in the front.

I said, "Yeah...?"

Her, "You're the guy and I'm the girl."

...I started laughing again. xDDDD We continued laughing for a while but still somehow, somewhat, listened to the principal talking. (Who, according to her, looked like.. someone of the royal family. Tunku Mizan? Whoever he is. I shall ask her the next time [which would be Friday, where we'll sit together again.] Or maybe not.)

Now... to the most important source of my happiness... my friend, Eka!

Yes, I finally saw her after like what, 7 months? She called me (and I was sleeping in the evening; couldn't keep myself awake long enough) and I was all awake. I panicked slightly about what to wear then decided I was silly enough to care for such. She came by to get what she wanted to borrow and gave me a smile. (I was glad it didn't rain, or that'd ruin it all, somehow.)

Is it me? No, can't be. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Perhaps that's true; let's say it is.

I can't really explain the joy I felt, and I'm so happy. For once, I was content enough to admit I am happy and am now spending time blogging about it, haha. 

To add to it all, I'm wearing my favourite orange shirt and listening to a sweet song by Yuna.


Subsequent.. no, what's the word? Series of happy events, ah. [Yes, I took from 'Series of Misunfortunate events'. Kudos to my ex classmate, Thomas Welsh, who mentioned it quite a few times, and I happened to hear all of those 'few times'. I believe he read it or something. Can't quite remember why it reminds me of him. But oh well.]


I think that's all?

Oh yeah, have to continue my story about this 'fire hobby' thing where in the end, the main character, Adam, felt regret. I'm still not sure on the situation of the short story and how it's going to happen, but it will, trust me. [Must, anyway.]

Yeah.. so, Tuesday and I'm feeling like a zombie already.

Hopefully tomorrow happiness awaits for me (I'm sure it had been for a while; since sadness leads to happiness and likewise. What goes around will come back around, right? Like.. a circle. Unless that circle has holes or the track/road/thing-whatever-you-want-it-to-be-called/chain is broken by some sort of force) and the day will smile, for me, once more.

The unexpected is at every corner.

Unpredictable events are a normality.

Au revoir, moi cheri.