Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Okay... I don't really like this topic either; but it's the one topic I can really babble one.

Hm, so, I suppose everyone knows this word.

On general, it's an affection; perhaps.. an infatuation in some cases.

But otherwise -- It's a wonderful, beautiful thing.

Love makes everything look.. brighter on most corners.

It makes you obsessed.. bla bla bla.

You get the drill.

But, eh, that's not what I'm trying to get here.

Ever watched CSI? [Lol, random comment moment]

No, really; see, if a crime is told by evidence.. what if these evidences were to .. somehow vanish?

Or in most terms, not available to the naked eye.

Or something, I suppose.

And.. what do you do?

I personally, would be consumed by my anger first.

As usual.

But I guess if one were to know the ugly truth anyway... what does that help?

You know, the more I think about the word 'love', the more I want to disappear.


Because it's so darned complicated.

It messed with your head; it's like a parasite.

It becomes a paratism (sp?) relationship. You know, the host gets no benefit from the parasite and become its 'food' of some sort.

Last week, I went out. [My usual one per two weeks break from the horrible isolation area]

And we went back and forth, searching for a graveyard. Like, seriously, up until a campus.

That was a shocker.

If there's one thing I haven't done since I came back to my home country; that's visiting my grandmother's grave.

With no apparent luck, my parents eventually gave up and we went home afterwards.

I know, I know.

How do all of these babbles add, anyway?

First I mentioned Love, then CSI; crimes and all, then a graveyard.

Yesterday, I was listening to a radio station [which wasn't random songs OR Fly Fm] BUT.

Ah hah, BUT, I was oddly concentrating to what the DJ was saying.

[Religious belief; don't comment on this -- I'm just qouting.]

Humans live and die two times.

Our first birth is when we are granted with souls.

Second one is opposedly the day one takes a step on the living dead -- Meaning the After Life.

Our first death is when we are carried over to the living world.

Second is when we die on normal terms, obviously, if that wasn't obvious enough.

Before you judge or comment, this isn't really what he said but it's close enough, I guess.

My memory doesn't go that far back; I wouldn't have known.

Anyway... what was I going to babble about in the first place?

Hm.. oh yeah.

I totally forgot!
Our new kitten; found in an engine. O_o;
She's like.. so annoying at times, but I'm the one to wash and feed her. -_-'''
Oh yeah, I'm reading Nana.
Haha, I know, I'm so bored right now.
Well, I lost my real topic and my head's all spinny.
See you later, Cousy~!

Friday, October 2, 2009


Okay... so today, as I have slept through almost the whole of my Friday, 2nd October's evening, I decided to give a peek to my favourite channel;

The History Channel.

I don't give a damn what people think or don't think -- Because it doesn't affect the opinion I have.

Now.. back to the topic.

The show is thus; Battleplan.
They were talking about the Germans -- II World War; Nazi's.
A plan namely called Blitzkrieg.

And yeah, one thing, I write based on what I've collected. I didn't exactly see the whole thing -- Beginning or until the end. Because.. well, my mother wanted to see the news; And I could always catch it later on in the early morning. (2 - 3 am)

Of which.. I'm too anxious to wait for the whole thing over again.

Okay.. so Blitzkrieg; a plan of storming the enemy in quick but intense attacks.
Such as the Nazi's were in the border of.. France, I recalled.

Here's a .. a little of the plan.

1) Deceive the enemy

2) Control the air

3) Breakthrough

4) Strike deep

5) Follow up

-- Counterattack

-- Logistics

Oh, and before I forget; it's 39' - 40' -- If you get what I mean.
(1939 - 1940) Hitler's Invasion

Hm.. I don't understand it much, so I rather not push my luck.

The first, I suppose, is rather obvious.
Deceive the enemy.

The battleplanner sent different troops to different places around Germany and nearing the French borders. As in, to confuse the British and the French.
The offending, apparently, doesn't notice this -- The Nazi's sending three other.. um, let's just call it a troop, cornering them around.
Smart. And rather neat.
I'm not quite sure where this came in; it was somewhere after or before Control the air.

One of my favs; Control the air.
Of course -- By using air troops.. uh, the Air Force.

By this, they are to target to controlling the skies, dropping off bombs.. or whatever it is they do, to weaken the enemy.

... I keep spelling enemy like 'enermy'. xD

Hm, I think I rather not go into Iraq; it's rather a sensitive topic.
They mentioned something about the US.. um, using the battleplan against Iraq.

And again, I rather not go into it.
I know it's just a historical.. um, .. er, historical event.. But still.

Last; History's awesome once you understand it.
I can't wait to take the History World Affair (1917[??] - 1991)after my National's..

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Drama - 2 October.

It's.. October!
24 to his, a month to my birthday; and forget it, I'm not having a birthday party -- Ever.
I've found Twilight.. FINALLY.
I ate ice-cream today; with a sore throat.
It still hurts.. but who cares.

Looking for a Rain God
Act 1

Narrator: The bush is a land where it is ploughed for crops to grow. Farmers walk a fair distance to reach their destination; while their rest areas are mainly rather shady and comfortable. It is until, a seven-year drought sweeps the land dry; the moss is crinkly and dry, the flowers are gone, and the soil becomes arid. By early November, however, the rain finally came in; even so just a slight, misty rain. The Mokgobja family is one of the families that seek this as a chance.
(Mokgobja introduces himself first; going on the stage first, as well. The rest comes on afterwards, introducing themselves. They then take a place on the stage, ‘marking the spot’.)
Narrator: Ramadi, being the head and supporter of the family, begins ploughing the land as Mokgobja stays around whilst Neo is overwhelmed in her little girl world.
(Tiro sits not far from Neo’s spot, watching over her. Neo doesn’t notice this; as she plays with her doll, seeming to mumble. After Ramadi finishes ploughing, he perks up slightly as Mokgobja exits the stage.)
Ramadi: Come child, it is time.
(Neo scurries over to her father, Tiro following from behind.)
Act 2
Narrator: The family then returns back to the village, with high hopes – Until the rain fled away.
(Mokgobja enters at first, looking frustrated, stomping around. Ramadi follows along, slightly calm, though still looking frustrated. Tiro comes on with bowls, setting in the middle of the stage as Neo skitters after her, somewhat helping with the setting though Neo just peers rather sneakily.)
Tiro: Neo, no, no, no, no. Don’t disturb me, I’m preparing dinner.
Neo: (Weeps and tugs on Ramadi) Daddy…
Ramadi: (Looks down at Neo) Yes, Neo, what’s wrong?
Neo: Mummy hates me… (She weeps)
Tiro: Father, let’s eat.
Mokgobja: (Sits down soon after, looking at Ramadi) Ramadi, come eat.
Ramadi: Your Mummy doesn’t hate you. She was just kidding. Come eat with me.
Neo: It’s time to eat! Hurray!

(Ramadi sits next to Tiro, Neo just beside him)

Narrator: Their hopes had run so high; but now, they ate plain porridge with no milk.
Neo: (After a while, she goes to a corner, saying) You stupid thing (She says as she looks at the doll) When I send you to draw water, why do you spill half of it out of the bucket!
Narrator: Even so Neo seems happy with her little girl world, the adults paid no attention to this; they just sat, waiting for the rain.

(Mokgobja and the two sit facing the audience; a blank expression worn. Depressed, worried and exhaustion written all over their faces)

Narrator: Neo just happily takes her nap, while her mother, Tiro, loses all senses.
(Neo goes to sleep with her doll, hugging it. Tiro stands up, and walks around like a mad person. Ramadi begins to stand up, but Mokgobja shakes his head at Ramadi; Ramadi nods, sitting back, now just watching Tiro.)

Narrator: Mokgobja, by all means of luck, remembers an old ritual.

Mokgobja: I have a solution to our problems!
(He suddenly perks; Ramadi blinks once, raising an eyebrow)
Ramadi: What is it?
Mokgobja: Don’t talk when I talk! Just listen. When I was young, I watched a rain-making ceremony.
Ramadi: If you can remember, then there is still hope. We can do it together…
Mokgobja: But… (He glances slightly at Neo) She would have to die.
Ramadi: (Gasps a little, surprised at the remark) Are you crazy? She is my only child and your only grandchild.
Mokgobja: But you said… we can do it together.
Ramadi: (He sighs, finally giving in) Then I’m willing to let go…

(But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be,
Holding you close to me
Will I ever see?
You smiling back at me
How will I know?
If I let you go) [[This is my spotlight;; I'm singing this chorus~]]

Mokgobja & Ramadi: Shut up.
Mokgobja: But you have to tell Tiro first.
Narrator: Ramadi tells Tiro of the idea; and tries to do so calmly.
(Ramadi walks over to Tiro, shaking her a little. Ramadi fumbles around a little for a while; before Tiro falls slowly, totally devastated of the news. Tiro stands up quickly afterwards, running out. Ramadi follows after her.)
[Exit Stage]

Act 3

Narrator: It is clear that Tiro couldn’t accept the death of her daughter, even so for the rain. By any means, this doesn’t exactly stop Mokgobja and Ramadi from doing so.
(Neo runs in first, Mokgobja afterwards. They start pulling both ways – Until Ramadi comes in, swats Mokgobja’s hand. Ramadi clenches his eyes as he pulls Neo close, only to stab her. Moments later, Tiro runs in, pushing them aside as Mokgobja calmly frown; though unsure of what he should feel at the moment)

Narrator: Neo dies in the end – A very tragic death.

(Neo, having fallen to the ground, told Ramadi she loved her father regardless. Tiro cries endlessly, then Ramadi starts to tear up; beginning to moan over the death of his child – Even so he killed her himself)

Narrator: Ramadi regrets his actions; Mokgobja slowly beginning to realize what terrible crime he has done; kneels down in front of Neo. Mokgobja quickly regains his ‘conscious’, telling Ramadi to help him with the ritual before the Rain God refuses the sacrifice. Tiro, unable to watch, walks out once again.

(They do as the narrator narrates, Tiro walking as if she is dragging her feet – Very reluctant to move away)

Narrator: Mokgobja and Ramadi begins the ritual as they bring Neo’s body over to bury her, starting the ritual soon after.

(Mokgobja and Ramadi carries Neo over to a spot, then sitting down, mumbling as they close their eyes. Neo is buried over and they exit stage, somehow taking Neo along)

Act 4

Narrator: Mokgobja, always full of hope, impatiently waits for the rain as Ramadi being full of guilt, hopes desperately that it would suffice with the sacrifice and having to let go of his own daughter.

(Mokgobja enters first, walking around for a while. Ramadi comes in, a frown on his head, mumbling as if he is angry at something. After a while this continues; Tiro steps in, pointing at the two slowly)

Tiro: They… are the ones who killed my daughter, Neo. (She sobs exasperatedly as the police come in on stage)

Police: (Taking out the gun, the police walk toward the two, taking Mokgobja first, then Ramadi afterwards) The only punishment for ritual murder is of course, a death sentence.
Narrator: The Mokgobja family was easily termed-with for everyone who lived off crops. They knew that only a hair’s breadth saved them for sharing the same fate of the family. They knew they would’ve done the same thing.

(The police drags out Mokgobja and Ramadi, Tiro silently following behind)
[Exit stage]

(The characters come out again, the narrator saying first, the characters following soon after)
Narrator: The end.
Everyone : T-H-E-E-N-D.
(All take their bows at the same time)

The End.

Tell me, okay, what you all think about it. Now.. I know the names are supposedly capitalized; my mistake, I admit it. I am the script writer. Who cares! As long as I finished it successfully -- My English teacher loved it, and I can't wait for the act out.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Big Hug. xxoo

Okay! Yay.. well, I didn't find it. Just needed to keep it; as I am, horribly, not in the house's laptop.


Good morning, greetings dear invinsible people!

And... uh, Hm. I don't really have anything to say. x-x

Just that, this week has been tiring. The last two days -- As it's already Sunday 20th September for me.


Well.... I'll try to focus on something, then I'll blog it, 'kay?
Good day.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009


Yes- No, well, maybe.

Like, why do I keep bumping into him accidently when I DON'T want to? -_-

Shame on myself; I should stop running around mindlessly right about now.
.. Soon.

Friday, September 11, 2009

2 AM.

And yes, to those who know me for a second, a year, 4 years, their whole lives (.. Funny), it is 2 AM over here as I am typing this very second.

It is.. 12th, I suppose.
A while since I last posted something that is worth peering by, no?

Well, terribly sorry to disappoint you, 'cause I've got nothing. ... For this very second that is. Coughcough.

I open my eyes
I try to see but I'm blinded
By the white light.
I can't remember how,
I can't remember why.
I'm laying here tonight.

Untitled - Simple Plan.

It is a very nostalgic song to me; the FIRST (if I'm not mistaken) song I've heard of them. That is, if I didn't peeked my head by and discovered Welcome to my life, then HURRAH.

Hmmm, OMG, I still have a lot of books to mark-.. They can be done later, I guess.


This name haunted my sister in her dreams, literally!
I used to listen to her night-talking (SHH) and she frequently mentioned this .. LAD. coughsbastardcoughs.

It lasted for four years; and whatever happened, I honestly think it was both their faults. .. Mainly his, but I can't take sides, can I?
Of course, being new in Love, I'm SURE they went through hell. Like normal people do.
Now don't get me wrong, I mean, some -- A few does survive young and long-relationships finely; but who cares about the o.o1%? .. No one. Not me, not you.



I did somehow get myself involved in this.. er, whatever. When we first talked, it seemed that we could get along. I mean, I had nothing against him whatsoever. We got along finely; it just so easy! Even talking about useless crap.... er, let's not go there.

Not sure how they met, but it was from.. this wondrous and magical world of the wide web.
Wow, that was certainly a mouthfull, eh?

I don't know how it started.. or how it ended, but it definitely was something.
A something; with tears, effort, and a hell lot of arguements.
You see, I'm not exactly like my sister. Well, I said NOT exactly.
We do have some similarities, but, eh, she has been always the more feminine and more attractive to the .. um, surrounding people.

Her means of loyalty, is one of the things, as it is different from mine.
No, I'm not saying she's a flirt, no. She can be, but oh well.

Oh god.. my brain's failing.
Which means I've got nothing more to say.
I may continue this another, but until day, nice day.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Our bodies.

Omg, that took me the trials to spell 'bodies.'

I did it again!


I'm reading about the body. Yeah, yeah, yadi, yada.
I know.

I'm just curious.
And I can't let this information get outside my knowledge.

First, they say that if you find that when you're laughing, then you tear up, consider yourself lucky.
I'm going to explain this in my own words...
Laughing and crying, apparently, acts up on high-arousal feelings.
Though we 'sometimes relate crying to sadness', which is true, to many extents.
Well, most of the times, anyway.

Fact is, it's 'just the way we evolved'.

Why do onions make us cry?
To be honest, I've been thinking of it everytime I cut onions.
Which is not often now than ever before, my sister being around now; which means, less work for me, yay.

When we cut onions, 'we rupture the cells', it produces some enzyme called...
Propanethial Sulfoxide.
It is, thus, no more than irritating gas, which our brains interpret it as being wanting to get the stuff out of our eyes; which produces tears.
Basically, the more we cut, the more we cry.
Apparently, when you refri... uh, chill it in the fridge, the enzyme release would be 'slower'.
Since 'cold temperature slow down the release of the enzymes'.
Also, the 'highest concentration of enzymes is at the bottom of the onion', cut it last to postpone the 'weeping', as they remarked it.
For as long as possible, too.

Story time.

Last Thursday, I recalled, I moved my arm.
Guess what, it sent some strange eerie sounds; of means, my joins cracked.
Connected to the shoulder, I suppose.
But it was more of the.. some sort of nerve breaking sound.
My friend was worried.
Haha. Though it hurt, honestly.
Have you ever cracked your knuckles?
Or.. do you EVER crack your knuckles?
I do. Yay me.
The knuckles and shoulders, are the ones the usually 'crack'.
It is called the diarthrodial joint.
Inside the joint capsule, is something called the ... synovial fluid.
Also containing dissolved gas.

When you stretch the joint, you're actually compressing the gas and fluid in it, causing the nitrogen-rich gases to escape the synovial solution, of which; we hear as the 'pop' sound. Once the release of gas is done, the joint is a bit more flexible.

But knock this out; you can't immediately crack the same spot right after you cracked it.
This is because;

the gases released in a pop must first reabsorb into the fluid, a process that takes 15 to 30 minutes.

If you crack your knuckles frequently, it is advised to take a breather for about.. 30 seconds instead.
Cracking knuckles won't lead to arthritis, but it may lead to decreased grip strength.

And I know this, from 'Grandma Black.' Her knuckles no longer are strong; which of course, can be because of her age.
But just be careful, eh?

Goose bumps (scientific name: piloerection) pop up when you're cold or afraid. A tiny muscle at the base of each body hair contracts; together, they appear as naked bumps on the flesh. They made sense eons ago, when humans still had a natural "fur coat." Back then, fluffing your ruff would warm the body by trapping an insulating layer of air between the hairs. And standing your hair on end was intimidating to predators or enemies (picture a cat facing off with a dog). Evolution has since stripped humans of their pelts. Now goose bumps are, of course, no medical issue. If you're uncomfortable showing off your vestigial physiognomy, dress warmly, place yourself in calm environments, and avoid horror flicks.

Hehe, I became lazy to rephrase it.
My English is sucky, so.

There was this one time; Connor asked if I noticed the twitch of his eyelid.
I was like, "Oh, man, that is normal. I had one a week back, though honestly, it worried me."
That made him laugh, or chuckle, I suppose.

This annoyingly common condition is known as eyelid myokymia. Not a lot is known about eye twitches, which are more likely to occur in the lower eyelid than in the upper, though they're probably caused by the misfiring of a nerve. But experts know that fatigue, stress, and caffeine all increase the likelihood of the pesky twitching. So do eyestrain, poor nutrition, excessive alcohol intake, and allergies. Fortunately, eye twitching is almost always benign and usually goes away by itself. To put an end to a bout of the eye flutters, cut down on coffee and alcohol and give your eyes--and your whole body--a good night's rest.

Yeah, the caffeine, would occur to me.
I'm still struggling to cutting down, however.

Body temperature is regulated in the brain by the hypothalamus, which signals the body to give off heat in warm conditions and trap heat (or shiver, generating heat in muscles) when it's cold. Iron plays a role in this process, so people with anemia (commonly caused by iron deficiency) often feel chilly. Poor circulation--due to high blood pressure or medications, among other culprits--can leave the extremities deprived of heat. An underactive thyroid gland can also slow a person's metabolism to a point where the body generates insufficient warmth. A recent study suggested there may even be a genetic predisposition to toward tolerance of cold. If you're the type who needs to wear sweaters and wool socks in the summer, eat iron-rich foods like lean red meats, beans, and dark green leafy vegetables, which can counter anemia. And avoid nicotine, which constricts blood vessels and leads to poor circulation.

I had to laugh at this.
Sorry. To the article.
Because, my sister would always ask in curiousity why I wear two layers of clothes, when it is like, pretty hot.

Yes, the outer ears do. Starting at birth, the ears are, proportionally, the body's largest feature, with a Spock-like prominence. They grow rapidly until about age 10, then slow to the languid pace of about 0.22 millimeter per year, according to a study by Britain's Royal College of General Practitioners. Other studies show that the earlobe itself also lengthens throughout life (men have longer lobes than women). However, the size of the ear canal, which is formed by bone and cartilage, does not increase into old age.

Oh no!
I'm committing one the seven deadly sins, sloth.
Heh, I'm just lazy at that.
And I like to see the documentary on the history channel. Though it is like, mostly Christian-based; though once, Greed, they mentioned a little something about Islam.
Which of course, overjoyed me.

Babies, of course, can be born with birthmarks and "beauty marks," but it's true that upon entering the world they have no freckles, which the skin produces (using excess pigment) in response to sun exposure. As babies get out in the sun, those with fair complexions and light eyes will be especially prone to developing freckles (and will have a higher likelihood of skin cancer and melanoma later in life). "Those freckles on the redheaded kid's cheeks aren't cute--they're sun damage," says Robin Ashinoff, MD, director of dermatologic surgery at Hackensack University Medical Center. "And freckles probably also indicate damage to the DNA in your skin cells." Children and adults alike should have their freckles monitored regularly by a dermatologist and vigilantly use sunscreen of SPF 30 or higher.

Good things I didn't have freckles.
It is, mostly, odd for people here to have freckles as a baby. It happens, on rare cases.
We are just, the way.

Called paresthesia, pins and needles are caused by blocked blood flow to a pressed nerve. If you sit too long in an awkward position--or even just with your legs crossed--you may press hard enough on a nerve to interrupt its signaling to the brain, causing your feet, for example, to "fall asleep," or go numb. This is not the same as a pinched nerve, a longer-lasting condition that occurs when a part of the body, swollen because of injury or misalignment, applies steady pressure on a nerve. Paresthesia is usually felt in the extremities--hands, feet, and ankles. That crazy-making prickly sensation is the resumption of pain messages to the brain. Simply changing your position is almost always enough to allow the nerve to resume communication. But prickly feelings more rarely can be symptoms of diseases as diverse and serious as diabetes, lupus, and MS. If your pins and needles don't resolve quickly with a change of body position, see a doctor.

Is this like, cramps?
Like the strange feeling, the numb, that you can't feel the bones?
I suppose.
I have it, every single Monday morning, since our School Assembly is like, sometimes, SO long.
It's boring, and boring.
Just the word.
It usually takes a few seconds for it to fade away for me. Painful.. nerve-wrecking.

Why Do You See Halos Around Lights?

This phenomenon falls under the category of "spherical aberration"--just one of several examples of how the human eye is optically imperfect. In daylight, the pupil narrows to a very small opening, allowing light to hit the very center of the lens. At night, when the pupil dilates dramatically to allow maximum light to enter, your eye is using a much larger swath of its lens to see. "The farther out on the lens you go, the less perfect the optics are," says Duffner. "And as you get off center, those light rays won't be focused to the center of the eye." You see circles, well, because your lens is round. Almost everyone sees these rings, and if you've always seen them, you're probably just fine, he says. But halos can also be caused by opacities in the lens--a sign of cataracts. So if seeing halos is new to you, see a doctor for a cataract exam.

Ah.. this is, one of my favourite past-time.
I used to like, I still do, seeing lights at night.
Narrowing the lights, like, especially in Paris once; it being the City of Lights.
It is like a star to me.
A very beautiful star, at that.

Two classic causes of a "side stitch" are running and prolonged laughter. Those activities have at least one thing in common: exertion of the diaphragm. "When you laugh really hard, you're sucking in a lot of air, which fills the lungs and pushes down on the diaphragm while the abdominal muscles are also contracting and pushing up on the diaphragm," explains Robert Gotlin, DO, a sports physician at Beth Israel Medical Center and former director of orthopedic rehab with the New York Knicks. All of which, of course, happens scores of times each minute when you're howling. The repeated compression can produce a muscle spasm that we all know as a stitch.

"Sometimes when you laugh a lot, you get a pain in your right arm as well as the side stitch. That's because the nerve that supplies the diaphragm also goes to the right shoulder," he says. So, in addition to busting your gut, a hearty laugh can mistakenly make you think you're having a heart attack. Try breaking the rapid cycle of diaphragm punishment that we call laughter by slow, deep breathing between fits of hysteria. And avoid eating big meals, which draw blood to the stomach, before settling in for an evening of 30 Rock reruns.

To everything, there is a bad and good thing.
I wasn't wrong.
I don't like, laugh for too long. Hysterics, as they say.
Laughing for me, is short moments.
Then I would stop, then start again.
It'd end only, after I think something is not worth being interpret as 'funny' anymore.
For the time, at least.

Well, that is all, for now.
I'm reading more, but I guess this post is already long as it is.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

MySpace Survey.

Bear with me; I haven't been concentrating on my life lately.
And the blame is totally on me.
So.. in the meantime, enjoy the survey.

R.I.P Syakirah 04/01/09 (American date)

Name: I name myself; Am.

Gender: I don't interpret myself as a girl.
But I'm not a guy, either.
I have no gender.

Sexuality: Straight through and through.

Zodiac Sign: Scorpio.

In the family you are? The lazy, over-sarcastic, noisy, babbly one.

Any pets? One pet fish.
I just recently named it 'Squiggley'.

Where do you live? In a hole.

Where were you born? An emergency room, in a clinic namely, Anis.

You live in an? Two-storey terrace.

Do you have your own room? Sorta.

Any siblings?
Are you kidding me? ... Five.


Color: ORANGE.
I no longer like purple.. due to a VERY recent news.

Number: Any with 7, 2, 4, 1.
But I like to say, "74 K".

Song: Right now?
Duh.. the only song I've been listening to is,
Without you - Hinder.

T.V. Show:

Things to read?
Romance, mystery, fiction, anything that spells out NERD or HISTORY.

Watching a funeral.

Book genre:

Super hero:
Pain killers.

Food: Chicken-based.
If you can make cheese macaroni; I love you.

Types of food?: Hm.

Soda: Ice-cream soda.

Thing to drink:

Smell: I like my mother's smell.... strangely.

Candy: I choke on them.

Meal: Dinner.

Season: Autumn.
Or a very heavy monsoon season.

Country: Greenland.

Holiday: Greenland.

Month: July.
.. No one's birthday.

Time of the day: Evening.

Subjects: Hm.. I don't really have any.

Sport: I want to try kick-boxing. ... Joking.
Uh, soccer, football, hockey, ice-skating?.. etc.

Form of exercise: Jogging.
But I'm technically a living skeleton.

Thing to do on the computer:

Game: Emerald, FFVI, Shaman King, Naruto Ninja Council, etc.

Robert. Patterson. Period.

Kristen. Steward. Yeah. I. Am. Obsessed. With. Twilight. At. The. Moment.

Music artists?
Hinder, Nickelback..


How many times a day do you brush your teeth?
Morning and night.

How many times a day do you shower?
Two to three times.

What color is your toothbrush?

What time do you go to bed?
Whenever I can.

What time do you wake up?
Who knows.

Are you a morning person?
Rarely am.

Are you a night owl?
I want an owl now...

Do you take naps?
Morning ones.

Do you have any piercings?
Both ears.

Want to get any more?
I can't.

Do you have any tattoos?
I'm fine with retractable ones, if you know what I mean.

Do you party?
I've never been/had a party.
Well, maybe been to.

Do you drink?

Do you smoke?

What does your hair look like naturally?

Is it dyed?
I wish.

Do you wear glasses?

Did you have braces?

You are?
Angry, mad, hungry, sleepy, dying, in pain.

Do you sleep alone?
I sleep with Nuzul and my sister now.

Guilty pleasures?
Don't have one.

Do you still have your baby blanket?

Sleep with any stuffed animals?

What's on your bedroom walls?
A P.Table.
Emo drawing.
In my closet; there's a poster of this.. guy.

What's something you do every summer?

Do you like camping?
Never. Been.

What are you afraid of?
Right now?
My best friend.

Are you a cuddle-bug? With Nuzul.

Do you sing in the shower?
Used to.

Are you good at it? Can't.. say...

Do you dance?
I used.. to..

Do you jump on your bed?
I'd die.

Do you wear make-up?
Never. Only my sister put them on me, when she thinks I'm a doll.

Are you a virgin? Yes I am.

Do you wish on stars? Yes. Shamely.

Do you wish at 11:11?
Should I?

Do you like swimming?
It.. makes me feel suicidal, sure..

Do you drive?

Things you say a lot:
I do what I want.
What the fish?
I hate you too.
Yeah... sure..
If it hurts again. I. Die. Big deal.

What do you collect?
Pain, it seems.

Are you flexible?
.. Uh,

Can you touch your chin with your tongue?

Can you touch your nose with your tongue?
I witnessed Conner doing so.

What do you look like?
A retard.

Your glass is?

Do you have a best friend?
I thought..

What annoys you about your best friend?
One's dead and under ground.
Another's changed and .. I love her.

What do you two do?

Favorite place to go?

Favorite element?
Water-based all the way.

If you could have a super power what would it be?
Instant Death.

What fascinates you?
... How much I like the pain.

What do you do for fun?

~Have you ever?~

Fallen off your bed? Yes.

Fallen off a chair? Yes.

Got stuck on a rollercoaster? Nope.

Brushed your teeth in the shower?

Gone skinny dipping? Nah.

Skipped class?
I plan to, most of the time.

Did you graduate? Elementary School: Yes.
Jr. High: Yes.
High school: .. Whatever.
College: …

Spoke out of turn?

Beat someone up?

Been beat up?

Smoked a cigarette?

I dreamt.

Tried any drugs?
Nah. Well, nothing serious.

Been stung by a bee?
I stepped on it.

Lied to your parents? Duh.

Lied to a significant other? Not really.

Cheated? Of course not.

Been cheated on? Can I skip this..?

Been in love? Sure. And lonely.

Chased after a bus?
I had better things to do.

Been in a car accident?
It hurt, pretty a lot.

Lost someone in a car accident?
... She was stupid..

Felt suicidal?:

Tried to commit suicide?

Ever self-harmed?:
Used to.

Had any issues with food?

Been in trouble with the law?

Visited someone in jail? No.

Been to the hospital?

Been taken to the hospital in an ambulance?
Yeah. That was fun.

Broken anything?
I wish.

Sprained anything?

Scarred? Yeah..

Had the chicken pox?
Not.. yet.

Been through any form of detox? Nope.

Forgot where you put something only to find it somewhere on your person? Yeah. Glasses.

Been out of state? ... Hm.

Been out of the country? Nope.

Been on a plane? Thrice.

Gone on a road trip? Yes.

Spent your paycheck in one day?

Been suspended? No.

Been expelled? No.

Had a near death experience?
You have to ask?

Been betrayed by a family member?

Diagnosed with any major mental or physical illness?
... Nothing.. really serious.

Mouthed off to a teacher?
With the help of Connor.

Mouthed off to parents?
I try not to.

Met someone in real life that you met online originally?
I sometimes am glad I haven't...

Tripped over nothing?

Been late to work?
Was late to school almost all the time.. because of the STUPID WOMAN.
(Not my mom.)

Woke up late?

Been in a pillow fight? Nope.

Spent the night at an opposite sex's house?
Spent the evening at my Romeo's house for his party.
Of course, I was left with the girls.

Lived on your own?

Been kicked out?
She wishes.

Been to a concert?
the first time Za talked to me.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Words of Love.

To all who knows this, it's actually 'Ayat-ayat Cinta'.

It's a classic love-religion story. VERY touching, however. Makes me cry everytime.
And it's on for me tonight, at 10. It's hardly past 9. z_z


I just don't feel like anything; thus, no more colours in this blog. Nothing.. practically nothing.
I just.. don't feel colourful anymore, 'suppose.

There's been a lot of happenings lately.
Happenings that require my decison. Hak, that's almost ridiculous.
It is, isn't it?
It's not everyday I decide for such, things.

To more extent, it's hard to decide.
When a thousand-what-seem-people-friends tell you the same thing over and over again, but he just seems to control my mind.
I can't help.
I admit it; I understand the situation fully.
But I can't help it still.

In my head.. there's this quarrel.
I'm held back by one girl, three guys. And then, there's one guy who's holding out his hand; I can reach, but everytime I do, I get this extrusive headache. (Ignore the fact that I don't even know what I said, eh..)

Anyways, being sick SUCKS.
I mean, seriously.
Because of this STUPIDFDF, everyone is dying.
Because of this flu, I can't go out anymore. ._.
And fuck, whoever did this, Imma murder them to the core. Haunt them to the flesh, 'till they die, 'till they rot, 'till they are eaten by worms.

Dudes, get a life.
Don't kill people, get a hobby, or something.
The Angel of Death is already doing that.
A million or so people are already dying everyday without that.
From deficiency of nutrients, hunger, lack of stable environment, clear water, etc, etc.

Okay... I think I'm done with this.

.. I need a miracle, I want my wish upon the star to come true.. tonight.

Saturday, August 8, 2009


.. And that's rather the twentieth time I've said that since I just woke up.

Hi, I have not been around for a while, I know. I don't exactly have anything to blog about.. I'm just waiting for time to pass.

And since I am here, well, why not.

You see.. the first few days of change would always seem hard. Because your track has been changed. You start to realize a lot of anything.
Things like:

1) You begin to realize how much sleep you've lost.

2) You are always tired, and whatever you do, it's always nothing satisfying.

3) You find that your smile only lasts for seconds -- When it had for a long while before.

4) You begin to realize how little work you actually have; you'd start to ponder.
Why did it take you so damn long before?

5) You can't seem to do things you've been doing before. Even if you do, you might start to tremble and.. well, to extreme cases, I know, some hurt themselves in the process.

6) You can't help but get flashbacks of the past.

7) You don't seem to find joy in entertainment anymore -- Sleep is just, might as well be, your only need for now.

8) All the medication you took to now.. all the ones you've thrown.. the hopeless check-ups you took.. they don't seem to matter, as always.

9) Reading is hard, when your mind keeps returning to the past.

10) You, in very few cases, may start to 'see' things.

Though I am not saying anything, that's just what I feel. How I feel.

Have you ever realized -- that when you've been up all night, got only roughly 3 hours of sleep, and now you're awake, you somehow feel... empty to an extent?

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Grey skies don't always lead to rain.

Stick to the stuff you know
If you want to be cool
Follow one simple rule...

Stick to the Status Qou.

Haha, random HSM song I'm currently listening to. And all the while, hoping to find old songs for my Father, since he wants some in his phone. It's rather saddening when all the songs in it for now, are quite lame.

His N95 8GB.. Tsk, such a waste.
Oh well.

Anyways. Of course, to me to come around here again, there is something for me to share. It is of my day. Well.. my morning, to be precise. But still.

When I woke up, I was rather disturbed by the dream I had. I shrugged it off, however, thanks to the radio of which, was on all night. I even got to spoil myself; to the matter where, my fever is almost demolished to the core. Really. I'm serious here. My temperature is almost to the normal range, and, so, I am rather fine. I suppose.

I got bored; after praying and whatnot, took the liberty of going downstairs, ready if my Father was to wake up.

Every Saturday morning, my Father and what's left of my siblings, would go to the stadium. That is, to our own liking, to jog. Well, sometimes we run. But we do 10 laps. That's.. 10 . 400m = 4000m. Which is 4 km.

Back to my original topic.

I got bored again; upon having to look over my former History notes.
I used to love History. I still do. Just not my country's history. I like World History. I love it.

So, then, I went out, in intention to cycle along the neighbourhood.

I started along the same old road I use to go to school, then cornered, and went around. I cycled up and down hills. It was epic. I loved it. The wind through my face. It was rather assuring. I had a little piece of .. well, assurance. I can't seem to describe it in any other way.

Hm, yeah.

So then, I 'ran' down the tallest hill upon the neighbourhood, having to stop every few while, in fear I might hit something. I'm not to be taken sure when on the road. I always seem to find myself in the middle of the road.

If it wasn't for the early morning.

It got to the part where I passed a lane. It was rather quiet. But.. you know what?
There were birds flying in sync above the abandoned building. The fresh air. Excluding the dirty environment, it would've been better. Still, it was.. breathtaking. For the first time, ever, in so many years, I was able to be at peace. Even for just a short moment of time. Big cities are an awe to me, but, I know Mother Nature has always interested me. I like the green surroundings. The birds chirping.

Oh, I also came across a group.. flock (?) of chicken. It was, I think, a leader chicken, two hens, about 3 average chicks (meaning not too small, but not really a chicken yet) and a couple of chicks. I almost chuckled at the sight. It reminded me of how long it has been since I've been to the countryside. My grandma.. well, my Father's mother.. doesn't exactly live in of sort. She .. uh, like, a normal neighbouring town.

I smiled brightly upon the sight of the seven strays dogs. I can't even touch them, but, still. It was always a good matter to seeing them run around and barking. (I didn't get chased~! Haha.)
I remembered the 3 puppies in my school. I think they were sent away or something, I no longer come across them each time I walked my way to my bike.

Another; oh well.

Ah, you want to know a random fact?

I wanted to go swimming today; I was rather anxious. But... let's just say it didn't happen.


I think this is all I can manage. I'm starting to fall to the side; tired. Exhausted. Or maybe, drained to many levels.


Wednesday, July 15, 2009


What does it take.. for a person to love another?

What will one give, for that person? Would he stay for her, give her all he can? Would he confess undying love, make promises of which; never proven to stay, and never-changing? What.. How does one know, one is in love?

Is it a sin, then, to love someone one can't have?

Is it, a sin, to love someone, when one knows he is never going to stay? It's not the same, when, she cannot stay also?

What does Love bring?

Extreme joyfulness and happiness of being together, when one knows, being apart and nothing changes, is what true Love is about?

Sin, to love someone...?


It's not stated on any Bible, on any Holy Testament, on any Holy Quran, on any Holy and of religious statement, that it is.

Then why..?

Because I am human. And my intuition and alter ego is hard-headed and much egoistic.
It's not enough I confessed Love, they have to drag me all around the corner, to answer helpless questions they know I can't answer.


Only because I am unable to.

Monday, July 6, 2009

I'm sorry.

That I haven't been around.. Everytime I want to get into typing, I get distracted.

But now, I have a little time before I get myself busy again. I was looking through notes and books.. and I found my Journal book from when I first started writing, and starting ESL lessons.
I haven't noticed I knew words I don't even use anymore; it was rather a shock/surprise to me. There are some where I thought I was rather particularly interested in.

Mr. Glenn, my Year 6 class teacher, made us write a journal every morning before we start class. So we; my classmates and I, got into the habit of writing creatively. We also learnt new phrases through other classes, since Mr. Glenn was our only, and apparent teacher.

Plus, we were advised to read our writings, at least once a month. Sometimes, I got excited; other times, I was barely in the mood.
Well, read.

10 March 2005
Looking through the tiny crack on the floor, I could see I was not alone. I could see that a cut was sitting there. I am in a hounted house since on the last episod, I accidently swithed a Wonderland button to a Haunted house's. So, here I am alone, with a strange cat.

I thought this was.. very surprising. I never knew I learnt how to write like that! ... I have forgotten, mostly. I suppose. Ah, this is even more surprising...

20 April 2005
After walking deep into the lush forest for 9 hours, I stopped, sat down on a mouldy-covered boulder and took a deep breath.

When I took my third breath, I saw a glimpse of a shadow that was running around me as fast as a group of cheetahs.

I got scared, so I took a few steps backwards and started a run.

I ran as fast as I could but the shadow caught up to me. I could not see what the shadow looked like as the dawn had slept, though I was sure the shadow was taking me somewhere.

I had realized I was feeling exhausted, before I fell asleep, while the shadow continue its silent steps...

Heck, how'd I..- Most importantly, what..?

27 April 2005
I casted my rod into the water, sat down and waited for something to happen.

After half an hour, the rod shook. I pulled on the rod hard and an enormous fish appeared in front of me.

"How dare you cast your rod into this river!" exclaimed the fish.

Hm, the rest of this one is mostly.. rather childish, so I'd rather not bore anyone with it. But, I was reminded of how much fish attracted my interest. Especially the underwater life, fish kingdoms, different species of fish, and such.

I think, this is all I can manage, for now. I'm getting back to my week.. when I've enough resources. Until then, I want to thank those who have read this. Have a nice day.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Breaking the Habit.

So yeah, woo! It's finally Friday, I thought the day would never come. It's almost ending here, anyways, but whatever. Yeahh.. I've got my latest picture up. Just thought people might be curious. Well, it's there for the being. For the time. At least.

Well.. uh, yeah. So um, I'm supposed to write up a biography now. Special request.

Well alright, I'm doing it cronologically. However you spell that.


I was born on the second of November, 0728, in a clinic called Anis. The day when my father had his exam; and thankfully, he passed. Anyways, I was rather healthy, I suppose. Moving on!


Everyone had their own experience, mine, not as much happy to sad, really. I grew two to three years in a bangalow; of which where I got my first scar ever -- Top of left forehead. (Barely noticeable anymore, however.)

I was sort of the last child; being the third and all. So everyone thought there would be no more after me; so I was simply just the youngest. I had the youngest nickname in Malay -- Adik. And I'm still Adik.

We moved to another state, of where I had a babysitter -- Nicknamed Batman! (Not sure why anymore..) But basically, I held a grudge against my parents for me having a babysitter in the first place. (My thinking was simple; how could they leave me with a babysitter, then torture me with a younger sibling? Yeah, that sort of thinking.) But it wasn't just me, basically. My brother and sister, of course, also were with me.

I weren't the best of knowledge to socialize; being a brat and all. I was rather spoiled-- confining I had a choice not to go to kindergarden at times. Anyways, we had a neighbour. So me and my sister had friends. One of each; twins. Jasmine was my favourite of the two. Providing she nicknamed me "Amiera", or just simply because she can't possibly spell my name properly as everyone else at the time? Possibly. Yeah well, we were the best of friends. Not that we communicate with talking most of the times. .... Yeah, you've guessed; she's dead already. Not that you people had the question in mind, of course.


Okay, I literally hated school. Not much I can say.. except for the mere fact I've hated it since my first school friend. Period.

Hey.. I'm sleepy already. Ugh. Gotta get more caffeine.. hmm. Adieu.

Sunday, June 21, 2009

New Moon.

Friday, 19 June.

Qouting from New Moon: I was ninety-nine percent sure I was dreaming.

The reason being it was just a few minutes ago, that I remember, having sat upon my studying table, stuck on a particular question in my History's Notebook. I was, thus, still holding my pen. I looked around.. and what I saw was a room; white, to be exact, and no one to be seen. I looked around, again, and squinted my eyes. Then I knew; then I saw it. Them.

A depiction of a girl has always been hard for me to do. But.. this time was different. For no reason I can't go to. It was the small girl that caught my attention first. From afar, you could see she looked fragile. Her build, small, compared to the girl/woman she was facing. Though small, I could tell there was something about her. Something.. that caught my attention. She was wearing as a usual girl's clothing; a blue-ish dress, her hair tied up in a ponytail.. and her eyes. I saw them; even though I was sure I was at least 3 meters away from the scene. She was looking up, at the one she was facing. It was after a long time I decided to divert my gaze upon this.. female being the little one was facing.

From her expression, I could tell she was angry. I saw her hands shivering; trembling, perhaps. It was a strange sight; I couldn't help but keep watching them. The female one started screaming. Her accent, so unfamiliar, I couldn't make out what she was saying. But from the expression of the little girl, I knew it wasn't friendly at all. She kept on screaming, shaking the little one. I felt anger running through my veins, and I myself, started trembling. Screaming and screaming and screaming. I wanted her to stop, in fear the little one to start crying.

As ignorant as I may be towards little children, I'm very scared of their crying.

But the little one did not cry.

Red-eyed, she stared at the screaming one. I wondered why; but the woman kept on screaming so badly, I wanted to shut down my hearing. Though I could not make out what she was saying, I didn't want the little one to hear anymore of it. Only then I noticed. Her build, her eyes.. I should've known. The very reason why she attracted my attention.. was because she was so like my younger self. Except maybe more angelic. Way more, yeah.

Just when I thought my anger couldn't be subsided anymore, the little one got slapped. And by strange circumstance, I felt the pain. My head was immediately tilted to the side. I felt my right cheek; hot, and I was sure the little one felt of the same. She got more red-eyed, and by more surprise, the tears ran down. My cheeks.

Why, I wondered. Was it because she was so like my younger self, that I, had felt the pain?

"If you don't feel someone's pain, you'd never understand them."

I felt myself nod. A door slammed open; or at least, I heard a door slammed. A.. I wasn't sure what to think of him -- Guy, Man, Teenage. Maybe all of them. He stormed in and took the little girl's wrist. Tightly, by the slight wince I saw coming from her. She refused to move, but he wouldn't budge. He glared; stared, maybe, at the other one. It was then I saw the room -- Decorated with such familiarity that I was feeling nostalgic.

It surprised me even more when the girl started crying. It didn't stop the guy, though, but surprised the little girl, also. I saw she was trying her hardest to not move and stay with the girl. But he still wouldn't budge. He dragged the little girl out; her fragile gaze not moved away from the girl who was crying. I was unsure of what to feel at the time -- I felt pain for the little girl. Somewhat sympathized the young woman; and all the more, relieved upon the guy's arrival. But one thing for sure, I was lost to what was happening.

The screaming, the slap, the little girl, the young woman, the guy.. it all didn't make any sense. No way to confine what was happening. Not yet. That's what I had told myself.

Despite all, I felt weary. I just.. wanted to leave. I wanted to wake up from this weird dream. But something kept me, and I was pretty sure it was of the little girl herself. I wanted to know what was happening, so I rushed out of the room. The sight then was, a hall way -- No, it was sort of a lane, corner, maybe.

The little girl now sat on the floor, the guy next to her. I began thinking, but it couldn't possibly. The little girl couldn't possibly be related to the young woman or the guy. The angelic face was of different. Difference of such I couldn't stop myself from staring at her face. I felt the need to hold her. The need to protect. The intuition of over-protectiveness.

When he finally let go of her wrist, I felt myself sigh of relief. I wasn't entirely sure why, but my wrist felt a little pain. Was I really feeling her pain, or is it just a mere coincidence? Maybe. Maybe not. I couldn't bother thinking anymore, I leaned across the hallway of which seemed to be a locker of some sort. Mere thinking that doesn't really help. I had the chance to take a closer look at the angelic face; she was definitely a fragile one. The smile was of a frown. I clutched my fist, trying to recollect my thoughts. It seemed a while before any of them said anything.

"Did she-.." He started.

But she cut him flat. Her voice.. I found myself panting. The angel spoke.

"It wasn't her fault."

"Not yours, either."

She sighed, and looked at him. She held his face with her small hands.
Was she trying to protect the one person who hurt her? Why, I thought. I felt anger; rage now, circulating around me. But I realized then, she was trying to protect her because of him. Because of this male being. My gaze spontaneously went to him -- He was of decent appearance, his eyes, blue and with a grey shade. Strangely enough, I could see she was attracted to him. And it didn't surprise me. He seemed unfamiliarly friendly, and I felt secure, as she was.

I was impatient, I wanted to know what her name was. The angel's name.


Snap! I hit my head, and hard, on the table. So I was dreaming. Great.. just at the part where I didn't want to wake up most from. I sighed, and lied down on my bed, crawling.

Erina, I thought, right before I fell deep into my slumber.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Correction - Amni.

About Teens Love

High school is a phase, or specifically a period of fun, education, drama, growth. But is it a place for love? Walking down the hallways, you will spot couples holding hands, kissing, and sometimes, more. The question is: Are teenagers capable of truly being in love or is it just “puppy love”?

There are two types of relationships: Those that last and those that don’t. Lately, it seems couples are lasting longer than the average weeks. Some date for a whole year or two, if not, longer. This, however, is in the minor range. High school sweethearts are becoming increasingly rare for relationships tend to last all of a week or two. In other words, high school is a good place to zoom in on what one would want to look for in a “special someone” but that doesn’t mean one could be truly in love with one’s boyfriend or girlfriend within a week. It is fine as long as one doesn’t profess undying love because then one would just be childish and foolish.

The question in mind is still: Can you honestly call any high school relationship true love? Would they last outside in the “real” world? Yeah, you heard right. I just depicted these teenagers aren’t living in the “real” world. Take a deep breath now – there are those that have overcome more than most adults but there are definitely those that don’t know the meaning of responsibility. For the most part, most teens have a certain amount of responsibility, but it is obviously nowhere near an adult’s. It is a fact. Is it possible that the only reason for your relationship is lasting just because you see each other a lot and keep an eye on each other? Because one knows, one would not be able to do that once one works and has people relying on you.

First off, let’s define love. I would think to love someone you have to have a friendship with them. It can’t just be a physical thing. One has to go through a lot to figure it out. “One can’t go out for a week, then say one loves another and mean it. Making it past one problem doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in love,” says junior Brittany. It would seem she is right. Let’s make this simple and think further. Friendship. The difference? The chemistry between two people? Trust? The complexity of love is that there is no exact formula. It doesn’t have a checklist that one fills out and once completed, it ensures one’s in love. No. All the things worth having are, of course, difficult to attain.

Despite the vague “description” of love, let’s move on. What is a common reason why relationships end? Lack of communication skills will only bring a relationship down. People just can’t seem to voice their opinions constructively without hurting the other’s feelings. Communication skills; that’s right, most adults don’t possess those, let alone teenagers. Get the picture here? Other reasons why teens can’t seem to keep relationships going are: drugs, music, and peer pressure. Singers close in age write about one night stand, and along those lines, of course. Is it surprising “relationship” has become such a vague term?

Are teens capable of true love? Yes, though don’t get ahead of yourself. It’s rare, but it’s not impossible. So, it would be more correct to assume that though rare, love may exist between teenagers. It depends on the people involved, their strengths, and their weakness. And most probably, their patience with each other.

I wrote this in less than an hour; about 45 minutes, as requested from a friend. I'm done. Yay.

Friday, June 12, 2009

James Baum

I don't believe this either; I have nothing to blog about for today. Enjoy the song~

My Angel.

I have an angel; if only I've noticed then. I'm not crazy, insane.. I just, care about my angel.
I never understood why "Angels" are often of female; I've only noticed it's about of grace, warmth and the flood of love they are able to create and comprehend with.
If only I was there.
If only she was to take her own advice.


When I saw her for the first time --
I didn't understand what it is about her that interested me so bad. So bad I wanted to speak. So bad I wanted to feel what she was feeling. So bad I wanted to feel her pain.
I didn't realize angels watch sufferings; we are unable to do otherwise.

She took me in, anyway. She realized me of my choices; took me to places I couldn't go before. Opened me eyes to the surrounding. Closed off the pessimism in me; hand by hand, to just enjoy what's there to me. My eyes were dim, the sunshine stripped off me. Or I just never bothered with the break of dawn. The start of a new day. The morning dew of which swept my fears away; and she was there. My Angel.

At first, I didn't know what to understand. Too many things happened; things that got out of hands. Things of which seemed impossible to fix. She took me to the door I thought was forever closed to me; the door to joy and happiness. She didn't spoil me all that bad as she never left advises to me. That for joy comes misery. But when the rain ends, the rainbow will come. Always. It's the nature of things. It's the nature of Love.

What I didn't see is how much she was hiding. It's true of my theory then -- Angels watch suffering; we cannot otherwise. She was being strong for me, believed in me; but never let me help her. Not that I am capable, but if so, I would've tried. I would've reached out for her. She should've known earlier that; I'd come for her. I'd save her. If she'd asked me.


I just.. can't think properly anymore. My Angel is hurt. And I can't do anything. My beautiful Angel; the blissfull girl, the change in me. "Why.." would be appropriate. "How", I don't understand anymore. My Angel, stripped from her happiness. My Angel, so kind. But Life's too cruel to my Angel. My Angel has gone through too much suffering, and also has helped me.

My Angel. My Love. My Friend. My Fate.

All but not mine. I am.. hopeless.

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Miss you.

Blink 182.

So yeah, some of you may still remember this song. It's .. Hm, I'm not pretty sure how to explain it. Different, in its own ways. And as I am typing, I am also enjoying my pudding~ While waiting for someone, that is.

Well, I'm writing an account of my day after my last post.

Let's see.. well, aside from the usuals, my Mother brought me and my little, baby brother along to her school so she can finish up on some work. Translation --> Me having to follow my Mother to help her with the school computer; of which sucks. And yes, it is even a computer. A Windows 2000, at that fact! Haha, I'm saving up my energy for later. Speaking of which, my assignments are still unfinished and my oral.. ugh, don't even ask. I've prepared not a single word for it.

It started out well, I spent 2 hours in the Teachers' Room, doing nothing. It was boring, if I had to be honest. Daniel got all excited at me recording him in a video -- And to be honest, I wasn't entirely into it. I was.. half-awake. I was sure I'd fall asleep; even though I didn't. So I gave him the liberty of loitering around, video-ing the room, silently. It was somewhat educational. If one was studying the behaviour of a 4 year old.

Then after she finished, we moved on to the Exam Room -- Of where all the papers are. It was kind of thrilling to be in it -- If it wasn't for the very fact I've spent 2 hours; BORED, trying to make the system work before. But really, I'd have to give credit for its upgrade. If only I weren't so pessimistic about computers. Sigh. It was fun.. for I get to sit on the teacher's table, swinging my legs. If I weren't so hungry, I'd have liked it. Too bad I were.

And hey, finally a question popped up in my head.

Why do I call my parents Father and Mother?

It's a nice question.
You see.. my brother glares at me everytime I say, "Mum" or "Dad." And I merely think it's because after we were in Poland, Krakow. As my siblings ('cept Wan -- my oldest brother, as he was in M'sia) went to BISC -- A British International School of Cracow. Don't ask why it's "C" instead of "K" now. So I guess it was just a influence; as we were to speak in English for almost all the time. The teachers prohibited their students talking in different languages other than English -- As we are an International School. I perfectly understand.

Why Father and Mother? I don't quite know, to be honest. If I were to direct-translate from my mother-tongue to English, it'd have been Mom/Mum and Dad, actually. I don't know.. probably it's because we respect each other. Maybe a bit too much for our sake. Bah, does it even matter anyway? I have no utterly-man-made comment of it.

So yeah.. it's 23:22 now.

Bed time is nearing.. and I still want to wait. Not to mention my pudding is still unfinished. Hmm.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009


So yeah, cheeeeeerr! I didn't actually sleep, my eyes were peeking open every few minutes.. up 'till now, as I am awake. So hmm.. give me a minute to recall yesterday.

First off, I woke up late. Nevermind~! Because my Mother had to be out all day. So.. I was left with my three brothers. It wasn't actually all that bad 'cause you know what? My brothers all are crazy about games. But it was a relief my Mother (her being the nice one yesterday..) brought us lunch right before she went. Not that it made much difference either way. So I spend my mor..- er, afternoon on the TV (Laptop, also, as usual) then got all bored (as Daniel decided he torture me with PHDC. Not cool.) I wanted to stay upstairs in my room.. and maybe study something, but he had to make a fit, thus me being upset at him. (All that angry stuff, but I'm not going to go there.) Anyways, so yeah, me being bored, I decided I try my hands on the new game my other two brothers had been playing.

I was like, "I'm willing to learn to play, if you are willing to teach me."

He said yes. The usual problem with me and consoles is that.. I never learn! It gets all frustating, but I decided I better learn than nothing. I mean, watch PHDC and the stupid Dibo? Heck no.

So we started with basics. Let me recall what I have learnt :

1) Sasuke seems to be easiest for me to play with. (Haha, nahh, I'm joking. But I really like using him.)

2) Different ninjas can combine (Let's say Shippuuden Sasuke and Orochimaru) and sometimes can fight together; as in the special moves (Say Sakura and Naruto; she using his clones to attack the enemy) and there are also other things to it. (Not that I remember.)

3) x button is jump! Haha, I find this funny, but my brother told me I was able to do a swift jump (you know, high kick, high jump, frontal jump, etc) when they took forever to learn! Still funny, however, that's the most basic thing for me. I mean, of course, I love to jump (Especially on the matter in this Digimon game..)

4) Hmm.. Triangle and the "O" button is to use their special move. (Me stupidly do the other way around; thus leading to him being upset with me. Haha.)

5) "Up" + "Up" + "O" = A jutsu
As "Down" + "Down" + "O" = Another jutsu.

Lame, I know, but it's kinda hard for me cooperate with. My fingers are extremely stubborn. Damnit!

6) Chiyo-sama is superbly strong! I'm serious, I mean, with her puppets, I learnt that I can just use the "O" button all the time; without breaking a sweat. How cool is that!

7) Gaara tends to get slower after he uses a jutsu. Which leads me to a great advantage, me being Sakura. Haha. I'm really lame. But she's not that weak however, with her super-strength and all. My my. I'm not all that surprised, though.

8) The "Square" button is the items place. Strangely, I haven't been able to learn fully how to use them. Sucks, but I have to learn other things as well. Sometimes I forget; but fortunately, my brothers are rather sporting with me finally playing again.

9) The Fourth Hokage is fast! I never knew, seriously.

10) Unfortunately, this game also requires chakra. Daaammmnnniitt! My eyes have to look everywhere, I was starting to get tired. It's no wonder my brothers are always tired; now I feel their pain! The "Down" button to "charge" your chakra.

11) If using Sasuke, try not to use Chidori everywhere. (Funny? I'm serious here.) I was just practicing my jutsu skills; but darn, I almost got him once or twice. Sigh. I should learn more and put my techniques to battlefield.

Oh yeah, if you wondering what game am I talking about; I think it's the Uzumaki Chronicles 2, the one for PS2/PSP or something. I forget; but it's surely the Uzumaki Chronicles 2. (At least I think so..~)

Hopefully, I'd be able to zone again. I can't wait. To beat up my clones, that is. I learnt new jumping styles and other stuff. Hmm. Zoning is kind of hard, though. But hopefully, I'll master the techniques just in time to fight other people. Hopefully, with hope. Haha. Peace~


How to handle the teens love..

My very dear friend brothers and sisters I have something of extreme importance to talk to you about. I want to tell you some things about teenagers in love. I know these are very personal and delicate matters for discussion, but given how essential they are to your life, to the whole teenagers, and to the future of Islam as our way of life these are matters we must discuss. In Islam it has been made very clear as to what is acceptable and what is not acceptable between males and females who are not married to each other, so if all was going well in this critical area of life I wouldn’t need to say anything; but, all is not going well. Please know what I am going to say to you I say only because I love Islam and I care so very much about the future safety, happiness, and success in the lives of all of you although we may have never met.
From what I have been reading, from what parents have been telling me, and from what has been confirmed in discussions with many young Muslim brothers and sisters from countries all across the world it has become clear that more and more young peoples are not following the guidelines for relationships between boys and girls. As in Islam says is right is easy to remember because we are told that before marriage there is to be virtually no contact at all between males and females. In today’s world, while still a minority, an increasing number of young peoples are having relationships with members of the opposite sex that are clearly outside the limits set by Islam. These relationships beyond the limits of Islam range from seemingly innocent friendships, to boyfriend-girlfriend relationships, all the way to the complete sexual relationship that has been made right by Allah only for those who are married to each other.

Do you think Allah has said there should be virtually no relationship at all between unmarried males and females because He doesn’t want you to have fun? No, Allah has set the rules for right relationships between males and females because He knows for sure what is best for you as an individual and what is best for His Ummah. Allah wants you to have a good time and enjoy the wonderful pleasures of male-female relationships, including the sexual relationship, but He knows you can only experience the greatest joy, and suffer no harm, if you keep your relationships, particularly the sexual relationship, within the necessary guidelines of the right way of life He has given us.

Tough Times for Young Muslims

As you read this message I ask you to keep an open mind until you evaluate everything I have to say. In all parts of our lives we must be sure that what we get is worth what we have to pay. In something so tempting as sexual pleasure there are few who objectively weigh the full costs against those brief moments of gratification. By ‘sexual pleasure’ I mean all the aspects, including the emotional aspect, that lead up to the full expression of the sexual relationship. Allah has placed within both males and females an extremely strong desire to pair off as couples and eventually experience the full sexual relationship. So the feelings of desire for a close relationship with a member of the opposite sex you might be having are entirely natural as it is Allah’s Will that you feel those desires so strongly.

When we look at animal behaviour we see that animals take their sexual pleasure whenever and wherever they can. This is how Allah ensures the continued survival of their species. Never forget that human beings are not animals, so although we have bodies quite similar to animal bodies, and basic needs quite similar to the needs of animals, we relate to our bodies and our needs as beings who have had a God consciousness breathed into us by Allah when we were still in our mother’s womb. This special spiritual nature provides us with many wonderful benefits, but it also presents us with some very serious responsibilities.

These benefits and responsibilities show up quite clearly in relation to the desire for sexual pleasure placed within us by Allah. The benefit is that human beings can experience a level of sustained deep emotional bonding and sexual pleasure far beyond the ability of any animal, but the responsibility is to direct our sexual desires only in the manner set out as the right way of life for us by Allah. Sexual pleasure is only to be experienced between a man and woman married to each other; sometimes this is for the purpose of bringing new human spiritual beings into the world and sometimes it is to allow the ecstasy and the intimacy of the sexual relationship to bond the married man and woman together so strongly as a family, who will be able to raise a new generation of good and right Muslim children within that family, that they become invulnerable to the forces of evil that might attempt to tear the family unit apart.

Most young Muslims in the world today have been heavily influenced by a highly sexualized society around them which says, “Look at the many Western teens or non-Muslim teens in Islamic nations who know no rules except to experience as much pleasure as possible, and who don’t worry about the consequences.” It would be virtually impossible as a young Muslim teen to see the many hundreds of times when unmarried teens are portrayed as boyfriends and girlfriends enjoying the pleasures of sex in movies, songs, and stories from the entertainment of the Western world without having the thought cross your mind something like, “Hey, that looks like fun, if they are doing it why shouldn’t I do it too.” Well, I would like to make sure you know what comes along with what has been called “free sex,” because it turns out that sex isn’t free after all, and the cost is going to probably be much more than you would be willing to pay – if you knew what the true cost was.

First, what are the benefits? Well, you might get a relationship with member of the opposite sex that could take away some of the personal loneliness so common in today’s world; you might get to be seen by your peers (if they don’t know better) as someone who is modern and cool; you might feel you are breaking out of restrictions imposed on you by a religion and culture that you didn’t choose for yourself; you might feel not left out if many others around you are doing the same thing; it might make you feel better about yourself knowing someone ‘really’ likes you; and, of course there is the obvious fun and physical pleasure that naturally comes from experiencing the various aspects of the intimate and sexual relationship.
Some of those benefits result in the fulfillment of natural human desires, even if done wrongfully; but, some of those so-called benefits have been conditioned into your thinking against your will by the wrongful influences of the secular materialist society that exists outside the Muslim Ummah. If you ever find yourself experiencing envy of the ‘freedom’ and the lifestyle of the nowaday teens as portrayed in the media please ask yourself this question and answer it honestly. “Who do you think is better equipped to make decisions about what is a right way to live, the average teen who has never even heard of Allah and Islam, or you who are a Muslim teen who has been Blessed with the opportunity to at least know of Allah’s existence and to understand a little bit about the Islam He gave us as the right way of life? If you don’t know that you are much better qualified than the average godless, pleasure seeking teen to know right from wrong then you had better start using that wonderful brain Allah put in your head a little better.

Studies about ‘puppy love’

Adolescents who claim they are "madly in love" might not be too far off the mark: a new study suggests that they show almost manic behaviours.
Serge Brand of the Psychiatric University Clinics in Basel, Switzerland, and his colleagues surveyed 113 teenagers at around 17 years of age, asking them to complete questionnaires about their conduct and mood and to keep a log of their sleep patterns. Of those, 65 indicated they had recently fallen in love and experienced intense romantic emotions.
The lovestruck teenagers showed many behaviours resembling "hypomania" - a less intense form of mania. For example, they required about an hour less sleep each night than teens who didn't have a sweetheart. They were also more likely to report acting compulsively, with 60% saying they spent too much money compared with fewer than 30% of teenagers who were not in love.Moreover, the lovestruck teens were more than twice as likely to say they had lots of ideas and creative energy. Worryingly, they were also more likely to say they drove fast and took risks on the road.

"We were able to demonstrate that adolescents in early-stage intense romantic love did not differ from patients during a hypomanic stage," say the researchers. This leads them to conclude that intense romantic love in teenagers is a "psychopathologically prominent stage".
They add that psychiatrists should take this information into account when assessing adolescent patients who are having trouble sleeping and are showing other behavioural changes.

Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Okay, guilt -- I've no idea why I'm about to apologize to my own blog. Call me crazy, but I am.
Fact is, I don't like being angry. And.. my anger was just too much trigered this evening, following "events." One may not understand, but I don't like feeling helpless. Which brings me to the topic.

Qouting from La Dolce Amira (The most intriguing drama on TV yet.); Writing is how I express myself. It is a very relaxing therapy. I can chat easily and it's comforting. (Episode 1) Well, it is. I couldn't agree more. 'Cause there is no way I could speak like this; face to face, to my counselor. One of which, I'm not seeing her again. I've found a way (sometimes not very pleasant) to please and calm myself down when any irritance is triggered or found. Many of which, I've found no pleasant whatsoever when I am to deal with it. Strange.. and strange.

Apologizing is hard, yes, I must admit. I've never found the words to say. It angers me, as being helpless, also being useless and speechless. But I don't like being angry, either. It having the same effects on me, for the most parts. But when I feel angry, I feel as if I want to kill someone; break something -- And I have found that more of a trouble than having lost my words. (Except maybe they are both on the same level -- Still triggering irritance upon me.) It's funny, though, when I take back my words while being in anger -- Probably 'cause I'm too nice. Or is it simply the nature of Nur Amirah, the lame, distorted girl, who is always lost, helpless and feeling useless while everyone who knows her and has been around her, tells her of different? That she is of much value, and that she is lovable, not at least helpless, and has brought life into many of these "people" as we speak? Ehek, no, I'm not boasting about myself, because I'm just simply recalling what Life has bestowed upon me. Bestowed, what a funny and odd word. Hmm, what was it? Crabstomped..? Yeah, I suppose so. Credits to Evan, hehe. Simple as it is, it had put on an amount of interest into this dull self.

You know, as I am writing this blog, I am also listening to Brandy and Monica's The Boy is Mine. Silly, as it is, once again, it is of interest to me. How could two girls fight over a guy? Why in the heck of a world couldn't they talk first, about the mere reason both of them are with the same guy? I mean, couldn't they doubt the guy first? Than waste all that talk to convince themselves that the guy loves one more than the other?

"See I know that you maybe, could be jealous of me.." <-- See what I mean?

But that doesn't mean I'm not on the same wavelength with them. I'd protect the guy myself; if I loved him that much more than fighting with the same sex; one of which I've always hated. Because if it meant I loved someone, I'd always blame that other "person" (as I'd put them as) to ruin my relationship, with the guy of whom I love very much. To love so much to say that he's mine which much snarling, growling, cat-fighing and whatnot; just because I love this guy. Love is such a huge word. Which comes to my last question -- If Love wasn't as hard, would one still fight and use all of them to get it? Would they still find it of much value; that they'd lose sleep over it, worry about it all day long -- Without much concern for themselves? Would they still say "Love is something that comes easy, as it goes easy" and still say that "Love is Eternal"? Or would they simply get bored of it; use it the wrong way, abuse it, and not care at all for their significant other? Would humans be that irreponsible of their personal and close relationships (spouse, partner, etc.) if Love didn't bring the package of sad and misery; as well as happiness and joy, the storm and the neverending rain; the sunshine and the rainbow?

Because I know, that there is a possibility of me doing it myself. I would have never known the value of happiness (even for short, irreplaceable (sp?) moments of my lifetime) if it wasn't for the neverending misery, pain and hurt I've always been feeling, ever since the phase of childhood -- Of which affected my whole contemplation of Life and everything surrounding it. I'd probably take my friends for granted, blame others for my failures and always be in a rant; as I am being spoiled of the happiness I don't even deserve. See what I mean, though?

Haha, no sweat, I know of it. All my sentences are starting in question mark, they even scare the life out of me.

Oh, before I go, I'd like to test my knowledge of a rap song. I've never liked them -- But I absolutely adore this one.

Dead and Gone - T.I. (Nice time in jail, really) J.T.

I've been travelling on this road too long
(Too long)
Just trying to find my way back home
(Back home)
The old me is dead and gone
(Dead and gone)
I've been travelling on this road too long
(Too long)
Just trying to find my way back home
(Back home)
The old me is dead and gone
(Dead and gone)

Ever had one of those damn days
Where you wish you would've just stayed home
Run into a group of niggas
Getting they hate on
You walk by
They get wrong
You reply
Then shit get blown
Way outta porportion
Way passed discussion
Just you against them
Pick one then rush 'em
Figure you get your hair?
Then next
They don't wanna stop
Then now they bushing
Now you gushing
Ambulance rushing
You to the hospital with a bad concussion
Plus you hit four times
Plus it hit your spine
Paralyzed waist down, now you're wheel-chair bound
Nevermind that now you're lucky to be alive
Just think it all started with you fussing with three guys
Now your pride's in the way
But your pride's in the way
You could fuck around and get shot, die any day
Niggas die anyday
All the way over bullshit, dope, money, dice, game ordinary hoodshit
Could this be 'cause of hip hop music
Or did the ones which the good sense not use it
Usually niggas don't know what to do
When their back's against on the wall
So they just start shooting
For red or for blue, for bloo, I guess
From Bankhead or from your projects

No more stress
Now I'm straight
Now I get it, now I take
Time to think before I make mistakes just for my family's sake
That part of left me's left yesterday
That heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say
The old me dead and gone away

I've never been scared
I've lived through tragedy
Situation could've been worse, looking back at it
Most of that shit didn't need have to happen
But you don't think about it
When you're out there trapping
In apartments hanging
Smoking and rapping
Niggas start shit didn't
Next thing you know we capping
Get locked up then didn't even get mad
Now think about damn
What a life I had
Most of that shit look back just laugh
Some shit still look back just sad
Maybe my homeboy would still be around
Had I not hit the nigga in the mouth that time
I won that fight
I lost that war
I can still see my nigga walking out that door
Who would've thought I'd see Philant no more
Get enough dead homies I don't want no more
Cost a nigga his job
Cost me more
I'd take that ass whooping now for sure
Now think before I risk my life
Take them chances to get my stripe
A nigga put his hands on me alright
Otherwise stand there, talk shit all night
'Cause I hit you
You sue me, I shoot you, get locked up, who me?

No more stress
Now I'm straight
Now I get it, Now I take
Time to think before I make mistakes just for my family's sake
That part of me's left yesterday
The heart of me is strong today
No regrets I'm blessed to say
The old me dead and gone away..

Woah. That took me a while. And no, I'm not going to lie anymore, I did actually listen to the song for a few parts I can't ever get for odd reasons. I did not look at any sites to help me, I can assure. My honesty is relevant if I put my mind to it. (I've no idea what I just said, just so you know.)

Okay, now I've got paperwork (Literally) on me, now. So that means farewell. 'Till next blog.