Friday, June 12, 2009

My Angel.

I have an angel; if only I've noticed then. I'm not crazy, insane.. I just, care about my angel.
I never understood why "Angels" are often of female; I've only noticed it's about of grace, warmth and the flood of love they are able to create and comprehend with.
If only I was there.
If only she was to take her own advice.


When I saw her for the first time --
I didn't understand what it is about her that interested me so bad. So bad I wanted to speak. So bad I wanted to feel what she was feeling. So bad I wanted to feel her pain.
I didn't realize angels watch sufferings; we are unable to do otherwise.

She took me in, anyway. She realized me of my choices; took me to places I couldn't go before. Opened me eyes to the surrounding. Closed off the pessimism in me; hand by hand, to just enjoy what's there to me. My eyes were dim, the sunshine stripped off me. Or I just never bothered with the break of dawn. The start of a new day. The morning dew of which swept my fears away; and she was there. My Angel.

At first, I didn't know what to understand. Too many things happened; things that got out of hands. Things of which seemed impossible to fix. She took me to the door I thought was forever closed to me; the door to joy and happiness. She didn't spoil me all that bad as she never left advises to me. That for joy comes misery. But when the rain ends, the rainbow will come. Always. It's the nature of things. It's the nature of Love.

What I didn't see is how much she was hiding. It's true of my theory then -- Angels watch suffering; we cannot otherwise. She was being strong for me, believed in me; but never let me help her. Not that I am capable, but if so, I would've tried. I would've reached out for her. She should've known earlier that; I'd come for her. I'd save her. If she'd asked me.


I just.. can't think properly anymore. My Angel is hurt. And I can't do anything. My beautiful Angel; the blissfull girl, the change in me. "Why.." would be appropriate. "How", I don't understand anymore. My Angel, stripped from her happiness. My Angel, so kind. But Life's too cruel to my Angel. My Angel has gone through too much suffering, and also has helped me.

My Angel. My Love. My Friend. My Fate.

All but not mine. I am.. hopeless.

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