Sunday, June 7, 2009

The Return (The Kill, Haha.)

Oh well.
So much for that.
Well.. Hey! I haven't been here for such.. a long period of time. I was checking through my last.. er, 3 blog posts. Seems I was driven by my egoistic self. (Why doesn't that surprise me..) Totally randomness, however, was the main genre.

Oh. I might as well make most of my blog while I'm at it. Things have been fine -- I've been happy, for the most part. Serius! I declare there not be some truce or lies behind it, I am truly, and very, happy. And before I continue, I overlooked my profile views. You know what, 100! (That totally, ultimately, shocked me.) Seems people have been reading -- Only I haven't been writing. I apologize, for most parts. Usually because I see no meaning in it (Much as my counselor had anticipated; my stubborn, thick-headed self..) and due to my .. er, unconciousness in regarding of my own blog.

Reviews, however, are given for those who care :

1) I've developed a strange liking to disliking cats. Strange, I've been told, but I do. (Mostly for the part, I envy a certain kind -- Others for them ruining Mother's plants.)

2) I've finally found the last two books of the Vampire Saga. Truthfully, I have been reading kind of fast (Truely because a certain someone had fascinated me in the last book, Breaking Dawn.) but all because I am quite an anxious type. I prefer the climax to be of high level (Drives me mad, for one) and for the suspense to over-power me. (Me having run at amount speed just right after I finished Eclipse..)

3) And yes, I have a new.. well, hobby as you might comprehend it as. I don't think I am allowed to give his name.. but, I believe I already got him addicted. (Apparent by craziness of waiting for calls..)

4) Woo! Happy, but not happy. I'm on medication (stupid skin) again, and not really up for it, this time around. Truely because of the pills I have to consume every night (and me not wanting to eat it, but forced to eat it, anyway) and the reason behind my medication. I'd rather not think about it, however.

You know... I took the liberly in reading my post about the kitten. I had been proud of myself for the shoveling but really, I think I was more to the fact that I had bruises from it. Yes, strange as it may seem, but I do have a distinctive masochitic self of which I am boldly aware of. (Not to mention the advantages of it, tee hee. Shh.)

Far from the fact that, I have, for most of the story, recovered from my depressed self, sometimes I just can't help it. The temptation, truely, is a very, very hard thing to recover from. I do, still, find myself looking at something, of which somehow, suddenly, bleeding all over. (Probably because I'm still not over her death..-) Contemplation, however, is not an option. I'd pretend for all I can if I just won't budge over it. (Easier said than done.)

I am, though, missing my old self. The carefree, helpless (though still is), annoying Amirah. Don't you sometimes wonder how much you've grown after all these years? (Doesn't really apply, haha, to me, for the reason I am barely the age of sixteen) Don't you wonder how much you've matured? How much of those days of the past of which you miss most? How many people you've simply ignored for the very reason you think it's better that way? Just how many of your childhood friends who still remembers you? Just how many people who do miss you, at this very moment of time; at this very phase of life?

Well, I do, surprisingly. Sometimes I wonder how much I'm missing for just taking the other path. Just for taking through the other reasons and the other chances.

Oh. I better go now. Dinner (As much as I hate it) is the time where I have to sit at the dinner table and eat. Bah, laters.

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