I miss you.
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October is such a hard month for me. If I were in a four seasoned country, it would be due to the changing weather. But you and I both know that is not the case.
We met at 15, you and I both were guarded souls. The day you told me that you cannot be friends with someone until you observed them was the day I knew you'd be someone I'd cherished. I didn't know how, but I felt it. And I know you did too.
Your birthday is one week before mine and you acted like him. The two people who could ever screw me over but I'd thank you two. You brought me everywhere you went. Most especially during school hours. You held my hand. Always. You accompanied me. Always. You were my true friend. But you didn't know the pang of jealousy that hit me everytime you met your old friends. To think that you had close friends before me made me angry like the stupid person that I am. I had to talk sense into me; you did not belong to me and you were free to be friends with whoever you wanted.
We became close right away- we were inseparatable. And I loved you like a friend should. You had your issues and I was away from family, living in 'foster care'. I had an episode. And I didn't know until later that you tried to reach me during that episode. I needed someone, and I was mad that I didn't know you were right there for me.
Remember the one time in Science class when you found a glass shard and wanted to slice open your arm and I was sitting next to you and I couldn't watch you hurt yourself that I let you slice open mine? The scar is gone but the pain stayed. Or the times you told me you wanted to end your life and I held your hands so tight and told you that if you go, I'm following because I'll never leave you alone? Even your mother knew me and you dragged me to see her often and it was funny that both our mothers turned out to be teachers.
The year went by so quickly, we never fought and it was almost time for me to return to my hometown. That's when everything went wrong. And it was all my fault.
When I returned, I had all those horrible flashbacks and one day when you needed me the most, I pushed you away. Oh, how stupid I was. And you did nothing. You walked. I cried for so many nights, blaming myself. I couldn't get you back, Akmar, no matter how much I wanted you. You did not deserve the pain I caused you. And 9 years later I still carried this hurt from hurting you. You are now married with the cutest toddler. You are happy. You no longer needed me.
But sometimes at night I remember you. And on the 26th of October, I celebrate your birthday like you were still a friend.
Do you still remember me from time to time?
