I woke up in cold sweat, my sleeves tied to the
back of my torso, in a pillow-filled room which was so white, I was starting to
wonder if this was what Heaven looked like. I sat up slowly, studying my
surroundings, though there was not much to look at. The lights were definitely
turned on. Or were they? I realized I was also wearing all white, my hair up in
a ponytail.
“Look
where you’re at. You’re a failure. Failure. Failure!” The words echoed inside
of my head but it felt like they were screaming at me. I tried to close my ears
but I realized my hands were tied so I just curled up in the soft floor until
the door opened and I swear I saw an angel.
The doctor just looked at me and smiled. I
twitched. All my life has been a series of mental hospitals and new doctors.
They just transferred me from the ‘white room’ to my old room, and the doctor
made me sit on my bed. The same bed that I struggled to fall asleep. The same
bed in which I cried for hours because I couldn’t fall asleep. They must have
cleaned my room when they ‘locked me away’ because it seemed so much nicer
until before they knocked me out for having a fit. I crawled to bed, leaning
back to the cold wall.
“So
how do you feel-”
“What’s
your name, doctor? Mine-”
“Lauren.
I know. Sorry, where are my manners? My name is Dr. Ostrovski, you can call
me..”
“Lauren,
isn’t it?” I smiled a little. “Can I call you Dr. Ost?”
She
nodded and smiled. This was good. We were getting comfortable. But I was very
afraid of the next question, “Do you remember what happened before you blacked
out?”
“I
didn’t even know I blacked out. The nurses didn’t tell me anything.”
“Well
they didn’t want you to worry.”
Silence.
Worry about what? I was the one making a fit. At least I think I did.
“Did
I have any visitors? I’m sure plenty of people missed me while I was away,” I
joked, laughing a little.
“You
did… actually. There was one girl.”
My
heart jumped. It couldn’t be, “Was it Serena?” Serena was the only one who
visited. She was a childhood friend and she stood by me through my darkest
days. When I behaved, they would actually let her sleep with me in my room. But
that was not very often and I hadn’t seen her since she moved away. “It couldn’t
be her, though. Serena moved. She had to go. She had to leave. She left. She
left me…”
“She
didn’t leave you. Her family had to move. But, you should be happy to know she
came back. She visited you yesterday but you were so out of it, we couldn’t wake
you up. She came in, you know. She hugged you in your sleep. She actually
stayed for hours, we had to tell her to leave in case-”
“In
case I hurt her?” Dr. Ost made a small frown. I knew I was right. The days when
I was out of it, they would put me down and put me in the ‘white room’ because
I would turn very violent and very aggressive. I couldn’t even have visitors
for days on end. Not that anybody dared to visit. But Serena was here.
This is a starting of another of my many stories. I don't know where I want to go with this yet, but I have a pretty good idea. Hope you enjoyed my start.
