Tuesday, August 2, 2011

New day.

New beginning. New... whatever, new.

I feel weird every time I start to write on my blog. Probably been missing it out for too long, that I actually feel guilty coming back to it, and having it welcome me with opened arms. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Oh well. Maybe it's just my morning mood, plus the fact that my morning class has been canceled. All that 'I need to get up early on Wednesday' gone to waste.

By the way,
my blog is the only place left that I have to remind me of him. Yes, him.
Ahh.. I don't know what I'm supposed to rabble on in this post... I just feel so tired lately. More exhausted than tired. I think my emotions glass bottled is half-way through falling down the cabinet. Too much emotions pouring out and being used.

I suppose I can't complain. It's the only way I know I'm still alive.

Similar to my scars.

The three scars on my right hand; one just on my wrist, were all made by the ones I loved. My best friend, my Zel and my Mimie. (The two later ones are my favourite cats, the ones I taught tricks to -- also the ones that were the most clingy among my other cats) Scars that are most visible, anyway. Meaning the ones that never ceases to go away. Just... there. Telling me to remember. The cries to help me go through the toughest days, the loneliest nights, the most broken down state I'll ever be in...

Like a small part of my wife. Yes, small.
Nothing can ever compare to her. She's just... totally in a different category. I can't even begin to comprehend how she makes me feel in words. She's just.. Maya. Not in a such a way. I mean, she's different. She makes me feel real. Alive. ... No, more than alive.
Chosen few people can make me feel like a person, but she makes me feel alive.

I cry for her, I laugh for her, I breathe for her. Only Allah can begin to comprehend my feelings. Because clearly, I can't.

I can't tell her how much I love her. How much I need her. How much I want to held by her. How much -I- want to -be- there for her. It's a foreign feeling. And if it wasn't for her, it's been so long since I've felt so loved and needed by anyone. Anyone.

Ugh, see? Every time she crosses my mind, I start doing this; talking and talking.

That either means I'm too sleepy, or I've been thinking too much..

I feel weird today, have I said that? I feel extraordinarily weird today... Hm.

I stumbled upon this LDR (Long Distance Relationship) blog just a while ago. Which made me think of my blog. Which made me do this post. Lol. I guess you should blame it. Blame it for my babbling. Or you can put the blame on me. :P

Ahh.. now the headache shall settle in. That means I should REALLY stop and take a break.

Oh well.

I suppose I could go and watch some Detective Conan or something (if only it'd load!)

Till next... rabble, good day.

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