Happiness.

What is happiness?

I'm sure a lot of you will say, "Duh, happiness is feeling happy."

But what makes one happy? How do you explain that 'happy' feeling? 

Joy? Feeling like the world has your back? Whatever it is that makes you happy, we all should chase happiness, right?

Hmm.

And yes, yes, I can't lie, I'm happy right now.

I'm not sure when was the last time I felt this happy, but I can't explain the feeling myself.

All I could think of is the consequent event that makes me 'happy'.

First... seeing this person from afar and seeing that person smile.

It really made me happy, (apart from drinking blackcurrant water at the time.) [Oho, yes.] and that 'happy picture' is still in my head.

Though when that person looked at my direction, I had to look another way. Because, well, er, this is a bit complicated to explain why.

Actually, to be honest, I've been feeling this way since Monday morning. Of which, mine, was spent with one of the brightest, funniest, crazy friend of mine [from another class].

We were all gigglish during assembly. At first she, as always, was talking about her past experience with guys (who she explained as being perfect; tall, handsome, smart [picky girl? Maybe, but she probably deserves much more than that, her being the same. Not the handsome part, of course. x3])

Anyway, yeah, she was talking to me, as always. I, was just the listener, playing my part as to smile and nod every few moments just so she doesn't think that I don't listen. Because I do, but I'm not really comfortable with looking straight at her. I was nodding every once in a while, haha, and then assembly started and she sat right next to me. As usual. Nothing new, yet.

I'm not sure why, but some people have this... 'need', if I can say, to hold my hand. As she did. But she says it's because she likes talking to me, and I was all O_o *touched* and that she likes being with me (of which I took as a compliment. Is it not?).

Then she said.. "It feels like we're a guy and girl."

I bursted out laughing but had to hold back because the teacher was talking in the front.

I said, "Yeah...?"

Her, "You're the guy and I'm the girl."

...I started laughing again. xDDDD We continued laughing for a while but still somehow, somewhat, listened to the principal talking. (Who, according to her, looked like.. someone of the royal family. Tunku Mizan? Whoever he is. I shall ask her the next time [which would be Friday, where we'll sit together again.] Or maybe not.)

Now... to the most important source of my happiness... my friend, Eka!

Yes, I finally saw her after like what, 7 months? She called me (and I was sleeping in the evening; couldn't keep myself awake long enough) and I was all awake. I panicked slightly about what to wear then decided I was silly enough to care for such. She came by to get what she wanted to borrow and gave me a smile. (I was glad it didn't rain, or that'd ruin it all, somehow.)

Is it me? No, can't be. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Perhaps that's true; let's say it is.

I can't really explain the joy I felt, and I'm so happy. For once, I was content enough to admit I am happy and am now spending time blogging about it, haha. 

To add to it all, I'm wearing my favourite orange shirt and listening to a sweet song by Yuna.

Hm~

Subsequent.. no, what's the word? Series of happy events, ah. [Yes, I took from 'Series of Misunfortunate events'. Kudos to my ex classmate, Thomas Welsh, who mentioned it quite a few times, and I happened to hear all of those 'few times'. I believe he read it or something. Can't quite remember why it reminds me of him. But oh well.]

Sigh.

I think that's all?

Oh yeah, have to continue my story about this 'fire hobby' thing where in the end, the main character, Adam, felt regret. I'm still not sure on the situation of the short story and how it's going to happen, but it will, trust me. [Must, anyway.]

Yeah.. so, Tuesday and I'm feeling like a zombie already.

Hopefully tomorrow happiness awaits for me (I'm sure it had been for a while; since sadness leads to happiness and likewise. What goes around will come back around, right? Like.. a circle. Unless that circle has holes or the track/road/thing-whatever-you-want-it-to-be-called/chain is broken by some sort of force) and the day will smile, for me, once more.

The unexpected is at every corner.

Unpredictable events are a normality.

Au revoir, moi cheri.

"Let's just break up."

Yes.. well, our topic tonight isn't all that swell.
I had... this, event, in which saddens me so.
And oh, just finished doing some Math, at 3 AM. o___o


Well..~ Hmm, where do we start?
Anyway, I'm sure everyone on earth experiences a break up or just plainly has had to leave/left by people.
It's.. normal, can I say this?


And no, it isn't me.
Sadly enough, it happened to a very close friend of mine.



I've always believed.. that sometimes, love is just a lie. It doesn't exist.
Solely, I'd lie to myself to console myself. Most of the time, no.
I mean, I DO think love is pointless; only those we love can hurt us, 'cause we've opened up to them, and whether you realize or not, we've allowed them to get through us.

But, no, sometimes, when it's right, love is ... wonderful.
The happiness.. makes things brighter, all that sort.
I think.. it's because, in the search of happiness, we must experience sadness.

A break up is normal between couples. And it's something we have to get through with.
I have, once, so my turn is over.
I can't say that I wasn't sad; I was depressed, and I've learnt to handle it.


The first few days after a break up, there are a lot of emotions involved.
One could feel... relieved, sad, happy (I'm not sure how, though, so don't ask me O.o;) and you know whatelse.
It's.. sometimes, so tragic, that one person... just.. leaves.


..Sorry, I'm having trouble concentrating.


Hm, where was I?

Oh, yeah, the first few days.
And then, comes weeks, months, years.

Whether you've gotten over it, learnt to handle/cope with it, or still denying and living in a lie, to console yourself, I don't know. You answer this yourself.

When I look back on how much I loved a person, I find myself so cut deep in the pain.
I know I haven't still gotten over it. I'm just coping with it.
Something happened, and, I know now, that I could never go back there.
I must save myself.
Save my sanity.
Bring myself away and find something more in life than that of the past.


It's called the realization phase.
It gets harder from time to time, when life moves on, you know?
Gotta eat, gotta work, gotta go to school or whatever.




Oh, and I'm listening to Maroon 5's This Love.
I wuv the song.

Hm.. could you go back to a person who's hurt you?
I've seen dramas, and I always say that it's very idiotic, and sadistic, for anyone to do this.
But as always, what I say comes back around to me.
Over the years, these past 3 years especially, I've become a sado-masochist, slightly. Especially with fighting off depression and all. So I was a mess. Sick from time to time, worsened chest pains, visits to the clinic, you get the point.


Sometimes, I feel that guys take girls for granted. Especially those who love them.
I mean, in the case with my friend, the guy chose his pride and dignity, than the girl who he claims to love.
Like.. don't they learn? I mean, sure, girls can be pretty messed up and retarded and all, but they're the guys! Supposed to be giving in, no matter what it is.
Not making things worse, and breaking up in the end.
I felt so upset about all this, I was actually screaming in the inside and... well, no details required here.

Like bleh.

I guess I'm still upset, having to rant about this in a post.
Oh well.
At least it's something to read..? Or something of a rant to read, more like.

I actually have more things to rant about, but I shall not push my sleepiness to such great extend as I must go to school in the morning, if my condition allows.
It's rather frustating, thinking that from time to time, I'd be rolling around in pain and whatnot.
Shrug.
Oh well.
I must get on.. with whatever else now.
See ya.

Kitty-Kat (l)

Oh yes, Kat Kat.
Haha.

HI! I'm drinking tea and enjoying Life as it lasts, for the moment.
I just came back, actually, from cycling to the shop next to Smiles, and I was like.. almost crashing past this guy. 'Cause we both stepped on the same side. -__-;

Anyway.....


Is it Spring already? I wouldn't know... since it's summer all year long in Malaysia. =P Apart from monsoon, that is. (But I don't think that's a season..~)



I'm doing.. Integration. Boo.
I can't even do a simple X squared times 1/X to the power of 4. I'm thinking.. it's X squared.
But I could be wrong, I don't know.

I spent the whole day.. like a zombie. Haha, yes, a zombie. I had to wake up early, even when I had no school today (on a Monday) and now it just feels weird starting the week off on Tuesday, but oh well! Spizzle spazzle. (New random word? Yesssss.)


I wonder what to do now. I'm stuck between.. not doing anything at all, and doing more notes. I originally planned SPM Additional Mathematics LAST NIGHT, but my friend/lover/girlfriend/bestfriendinthewholewideworld/mother(l)/counselor/..um, Mine/LOVER -- Summaya forced me to go to bed. In which I did.. 3 hours later. I slept at around.. 3:30? in the morning.

Maybe I should do that? Mayyybbeee.

I LOVE my cousins' Maths (plural now, since both Math and Add. Math) books! It's so awesome and detailed, if I fail Math, I would go run into the middle of the road and scream in vain. (Joking... well, for the most part. Hehe.)



But now I'm tired!
Gosh.
Do you know, that gastric pain, is one of the worst pain, ever?
It's.. awful, trust me. Don't be like me. Always eat on time!
Last week, I had one, and it was... terrifying, for the most part.
I was sprawling on the floor, trying to put aside the pain.
And since I ate, just before it happened. I puked OUT the food that I ate, including my third? last painkiller. It was.. a horrible sight.
I'm NOT going there again.


Putting that aside.. my chest pains are getting better. I mean, in a good sense, of course. I no longer have to cry to forget to pain. (I don't actually cry, I'm just exaggerating the pain here.) It's bearable, for the most part, unbearable, closing to impossibility of ever feeling bearable (I don't know what I'm saying here myself O_o) for the others.
You get the drill.



And the title is Kitty-Kat. But really, not to do with cats, here, unfortunately.
And my younger bruther, is off! I'm free off him for 4 days, ftw. (l)
He's one of the representative for SK's Selangor for Chess MSSD.
That reminds me when I had Road running..~ I got like.. what, 17th place?
Something like that.
But I still have a medal! Bronze, (l), for the school's Road running. And I had no chest pains at the time, so it's okay. Just during the darned MSSD.. Sniffle sniffle.

And I don't like Chess. =/ Reminds me of Mr. Hughes. I could never win against him.
And now I miss his History classes..~ Meh, what do you guys want to be when you grow up?
I don't know yet.
I'm probably taking English/Maths (if I miss calculating that much...which is ridiculous) or.. I'unno. Just English. Become a translator or anything relevant and worth taking and being.


AND I WANT TO GO TO CANADA.
(l)
Everyone knows this.
Obviously.
I put it on my door of my bedroom. And I told my parents about it.
So...
9A+'s. Seems easy enough. (Kidding.)


Well.....
I better get to my notes! Probably Islamic studies or something. Or History, ftw.

Byes~

Love.

Okay... I don't really like this topic either; but it's the one topic I can really babble one.

Hm, so, I suppose everyone knows this word.

On general, it's an affection; perhaps.. an infatuation in some cases.

But otherwise -- It's a wonderful, beautiful thing.

Love makes everything look.. brighter on most corners.

It makes you obsessed.. bla bla bla.

You get the drill.

But, eh, that's not what I'm trying to get here.

Ever watched CSI? [Lol, random comment moment]

No, really; see, if a crime is told by evidence.. what if these evidences were to .. somehow vanish?

Or in most terms, not available to the naked eye.

Or something, I suppose.

And.. what do you do?

I personally, would be consumed by my anger first.

As usual.

But I guess if one were to know the ugly truth anyway... what does that help?

You know, the more I think about the word 'love', the more I want to disappear.

Why?

Because it's so darned complicated.

It messed with your head; it's like a parasite.

It becomes a paratism (sp?) relationship. You know, the host gets no benefit from the parasite and become its 'food' of some sort.

Last week, I went out. [My usual one per two weeks break from the horrible isolation area]

And we went back and forth, searching for a graveyard. Like, seriously, up until a campus.

That was a shocker.

If there's one thing I haven't done since I came back to my home country; that's visiting my grandmother's grave.

With no apparent luck, my parents eventually gave up and we went home afterwards.

I know, I know.

How do all of these babbles add, anyway?

First I mentioned Love, then CSI; crimes and all, then a graveyard.

Yesterday, I was listening to a radio station [which wasn't random songs OR Fly Fm] BUT.

Ah hah, BUT, I was oddly concentrating to what the DJ was saying.

[Religious belief; don't comment on this -- I'm just qouting.]

Humans live and die two times.

Our first birth is when we are granted with souls.

Second one is opposedly the day one takes a step on the living dead -- Meaning the After Life.

Our first death is when we are carried over to the living world.

Second is when we die on normal terms, obviously, if that wasn't obvious enough.

Before you judge or comment, this isn't really what he said but it's close enough, I guess.

My memory doesn't go that far back; I wouldn't have known.

Anyway... what was I going to babble about in the first place?

Hm.. oh yeah.

!

Mel!

I totally forgot!

Our new kitten; found in an engine. O_o;

She's like.. so annoying at times, but I'm the one to wash and feed her. -_-'''

Oh yeah, I'm reading Nana.

Haha, I know, I'm so bored right now.

Well, I lost my real topic and my head's all spinny.

See you later, Cousy~!

Okay.. for the while.

http://photos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc1/hs209.snc1/7621_1162193147885_1619527194_396673_3485386_n.jpg

Battleplan.

Okay... so today, as I have slept through almost the whole of my Friday, 2nd October's evening, I decided to give a peek to my favourite channel;

The History Channel.

I don't give a damn what people think or don't think -- Because it doesn't affect the opinion I have.

Now.. back to the topic.

The show is thus; Battleplan.
They were talking about the Germans -- II World War; Nazi's.
A plan namely called Blitzkrieg.

And yeah, one thing, I write based on what I've collected. I didn't exactly see the whole thing -- Beginning or until the end. Because.. well, my mother wanted to see the news; And I could always catch it later on in the early morning. (2 - 3 am)

Of which.. I'm too anxious to wait for the whole thing over again.

Okay.. so Blitzkrieg; a plan of storming the enemy in quick but intense attacks.
Such as the Nazi's were in the border of.. France, I recalled.

Here's a .. a little of the plan.

1) Deceive the enemy

2) Control the air

3) Breakthrough

4) Strike deep

5) Follow up

-- Counterattack

-- Logistics

Oh, and before I forget; it's 39' - 40' -- If you get what I mean.
(1939 - 1940) Hitler's Invasion


Hm.. I don't understand it much, so I rather not push my luck.

The first, I suppose, is rather obvious.
Deceive the enemy.

The battleplanner sent different troops to different places around Germany and nearing the French borders. As in, to confuse the British and the French.
The offending, apparently, doesn't notice this -- The Nazi's sending three other.. um, let's just call it a troop, cornering them around.
Smart. And rather neat.
I'm not quite sure where this came in; it was somewhere after or before Control the air.

One of my favs; Control the air.
Of course -- By using air troops.. uh, the Air Force.

By this, they are to target to controlling the skies, dropping off bombs.. or whatever it is they do, to weaken the enemy.


... I keep spelling enemy like 'enermy'. xD


Hm, I think I rather not go into Iraq; it's rather a sensitive topic.
They mentioned something about the US.. um, using the battleplan against Iraq.

And again, I rather not go into it.
I know it's just a historical.. um, .. er, historical event.. But still.



Last; History's awesome once you understand it.
I can't wait to take the History World Affair (1917[??] - 1991)after my National's..

Drama - 2 October.

It's.. October!
24 to his, a month to my birthday; and forget it, I'm not having a birthday party -- Ever.
I've found Twilight.. FINALLY.
I ate ice-cream today; with a sore throat.
It still hurts.. but who cares.

Looking for a Rain God
Act 1

Narrator: The bush is a land where it is ploughed for crops to grow. Farmers walk a fair distance to reach their destination; while their rest areas are mainly rather shady and comfortable. It is until, a seven-year drought sweeps the land dry; the moss is crinkly and dry, the flowers are gone, and the soil becomes arid. By early November, however, the rain finally came in; even so just a slight, misty rain. The Mokgobja family is one of the families that seek this as a chance.
(Mokgobja introduces himself first; going on the stage first, as well. The rest comes on afterwards, introducing themselves. They then take a place on the stage, ‘marking the spot’.)
Narrator: Ramadi, being the head and supporter of the family, begins ploughing the land as Mokgobja stays around whilst Neo is overwhelmed in her little girl world.
(Tiro sits not far from Neo’s spot, watching over her. Neo doesn’t notice this; as she plays with her doll, seeming to mumble. After Ramadi finishes ploughing, he perks up slightly as Mokgobja exits the stage.)
Ramadi: Come child, it is time.
(Neo scurries over to her father, Tiro following from behind.)
Act 2
Narrator: The family then returns back to the village, with high hopes – Until the rain fled away.
(Mokgobja enters at first, looking frustrated, stomping around. Ramadi follows along, slightly calm, though still looking frustrated. Tiro comes on with bowls, setting in the middle of the stage as Neo skitters after her, somewhat helping with the setting though Neo just peers rather sneakily.)
Tiro: Neo, no, no, no, no. Don’t disturb me, I’m preparing dinner.
Neo: (Weeps and tugs on Ramadi) Daddy…
Ramadi: (Looks down at Neo) Yes, Neo, what’s wrong?
Neo: Mummy hates me… (She weeps)
Tiro: Father, let’s eat.
Mokgobja: (Sits down soon after, looking at Ramadi) Ramadi, come eat.
Ramadi: Your Mummy doesn’t hate you. She was just kidding. Come eat with me.
Neo: It’s time to eat! Hurray!

(Ramadi sits next to Tiro, Neo just beside him)

Narrator: Their hopes had run so high; but now, they ate plain porridge with no milk.
Neo: (After a while, she goes to a corner, saying) You stupid thing (She says as she looks at the doll) When I send you to draw water, why do you spill half of it out of the bucket!
Narrator: Even so Neo seems happy with her little girl world, the adults paid no attention to this; they just sat, waiting for the rain.

(Mokgobja and the two sit facing the audience; a blank expression worn. Depressed, worried and exhaustion written all over their faces)

Narrator: Neo just happily takes her nap, while her mother, Tiro, loses all senses.
(Neo goes to sleep with her doll, hugging it. Tiro stands up, and walks around like a mad person. Ramadi begins to stand up, but Mokgobja shakes his head at Ramadi; Ramadi nods, sitting back, now just watching Tiro.)

Narrator: Mokgobja, by all means of luck, remembers an old ritual.

Mokgobja: I have a solution to our problems!
(He suddenly perks; Ramadi blinks once, raising an eyebrow)
Ramadi: What is it?
Mokgobja: Don’t talk when I talk! Just listen. When I was young, I watched a rain-making ceremony.
Ramadi: If you can remember, then there is still hope. We can do it together…
Mokgobja: But… (He glances slightly at Neo) She would have to die.
Ramadi: (Gasps a little, surprised at the remark) Are you crazy? She is my only child and your only grandchild.
Mokgobja: But you said… we can do it together.
Ramadi: (He sighs, finally giving in) Then I’m willing to let go…

(But if I let you go
I will never know
What my life would be,
Holding you close to me
Will I ever see?
You smiling back at me
How will I know?
If I let you go) [[This is my spotlight;; I'm singing this chorus~]]

Mokgobja & Ramadi: Shut up.
Mokgobja: But you have to tell Tiro first.
Narrator: Ramadi tells Tiro of the idea; and tries to do so calmly.
(Ramadi walks over to Tiro, shaking her a little. Ramadi fumbles around a little for a while; before Tiro falls slowly, totally devastated of the news. Tiro stands up quickly afterwards, running out. Ramadi follows after her.)
[Exit Stage]

Act 3

Narrator: It is clear that Tiro couldn’t accept the death of her daughter, even so for the rain. By any means, this doesn’t exactly stop Mokgobja and Ramadi from doing so.
(Neo runs in first, Mokgobja afterwards. They start pulling both ways – Until Ramadi comes in, swats Mokgobja’s hand. Ramadi clenches his eyes as he pulls Neo close, only to stab her. Moments later, Tiro runs in, pushing them aside as Mokgobja calmly frown; though unsure of what he should feel at the moment)

Narrator: Neo dies in the end – A very tragic death.

(Neo, having fallen to the ground, told Ramadi she loved her father regardless. Tiro cries endlessly, then Ramadi starts to tear up; beginning to moan over the death of his child – Even so he killed her himself)

Narrator: Ramadi regrets his actions; Mokgobja slowly beginning to realize what terrible crime he has done; kneels down in front of Neo. Mokgobja quickly regains his ‘conscious’, telling Ramadi to help him with the ritual before the Rain God refuses the sacrifice. Tiro, unable to watch, walks out once again.

(They do as the narrator narrates, Tiro walking as if she is dragging her feet – Very reluctant to move away)

Narrator: Mokgobja and Ramadi begins the ritual as they bring Neo’s body over to bury her, starting the ritual soon after.

(Mokgobja and Ramadi carries Neo over to a spot, then sitting down, mumbling as they close their eyes. Neo is buried over and they exit stage, somehow taking Neo along)


Act 4

Narrator: Mokgobja, always full of hope, impatiently waits for the rain as Ramadi being full of guilt, hopes desperately that it would suffice with the sacrifice and having to let go of his own daughter.

(Mokgobja enters first, walking around for a while. Ramadi comes in, a frown on his head, mumbling as if he is angry at something. After a while this continues; Tiro steps in, pointing at the two slowly)

Tiro: They… are the ones who killed my daughter, Neo. (She sobs exasperatedly as the police come in on stage)

Police: (Taking out the gun, the police walk toward the two, taking Mokgobja first, then Ramadi afterwards) The only punishment for ritual murder is of course, a death sentence.
Narrator: The Mokgobja family was easily termed-with for everyone who lived off crops. They knew that only a hair’s breadth saved them for sharing the same fate of the family. They knew they would’ve done the same thing.

(The police drags out Mokgobja and Ramadi, Tiro silently following behind)
[Exit stage]

(The characters come out again, the narrator saying first, the characters following soon after)
Narrator: The end.
Everyone : T-H-E-E-N-D.
(All take their bows at the same time)

The End.

Tell me, okay, what you all think about it. Now.. I know the names are supposedly capitalized; my mistake, I admit it. I am the script writer. Who cares! As long as I finished it successfully -- My English teacher loved it, and I can't wait for the act out.