New day.

New beginning. New... whatever, new.

I feel weird every time I start to write on my blog. Probably been missing it out for too long, that I actually feel guilty coming back to it, and having it welcome me with opened arms. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Oh well. Maybe it's just my morning mood, plus the fact that my morning class has been canceled. All that 'I need to get up early on Wednesday' gone to waste.

By the way,

my blog is the only place left that I have to remind me of him. Yes, him.

Ahh.. I don't know what I'm supposed to rabble on in this post... I just feel so tired lately. More exhausted than tired. I think my emotions glass bottled is half-way through falling down the cabinet. Too much emotions pouring out and being used.

I suppose I can't complain. It's the only way I know I'm still alive.

Similar to my scars.

The three scars on my right hand; one just on my wrist, were all made by the ones I loved. My best friend, my Zel and my Mimie. (The two later ones are my favourite cats, the ones I taught tricks to -- also the ones that were the most clingy among my other cats) Scars that are most visible, anyway. Meaning the ones that never ceases to go away. Just... there. Telling me to remember. The cries to help me go through the toughest days, the loneliest nights, the most broken down state I'll ever be in...

Like a small part of my wife. Yes, small.

Nothing can ever compare to her. She's just... totally in a different category. I can't even begin to comprehend how she makes me feel in words. She's just.. Maya. Not in a such a way. I mean, she's different. She makes me feel real. Alive. ... No, more than alive.

Chosen few people can make me feel like a person, but she makes me feel alive.

I cry for her, I laugh for her, I breathe for her. Only Allah can begin to comprehend my feelings. Because clearly, I can't.

I can't tell her how much I love her. How much I need her. How much I want to held by her. How much -I- want to -be- there for her. It's a foreign feeling. And if it wasn't for her, it's been so long since I've felt so loved and needed by anyone. Anyone.

Ugh, see? Every time she crosses my mind, I start doing this; talking and talking.

Endless.

That either means I'm too sleepy, or I've been thinking too much..

I feel weird today, have I said that? I feel extraordinarily weird today... Hm.

I stumbled upon this LDR (Long Distance Relationship) blog just a while ago. Which made me think of my blog. Which made me do this post. Lol. I guess you should blame it. Blame it for my babbling. Or you can put the blame on me. :P

Ahh.. now the headache shall settle in. That means I should REALLY stop and take a break.

Oh well.

I suppose I could go and watch some Detective Conan or something (if only it'd load!)

Till next... rabble, good day.

Today marks...

The first time I came home by myself! Weee. -Proud-

Haha, so, since it's my first time, ALONE, a lot of things happened. Maybe that's why I'm so tired right now. I should put that into consideration...

Hmm. Where should I start?

Well, I WALKED from the dorm to the train station. Coming out at 14:00-ish, and arriving at around 14:30. So then, since my friend taught me beforehand, I was happy to go around knowing the directions. ^-^ Despite my lack of directions. -Ahem-

And yeah, I got on board, arriving at the right destination and stuff, drenched in sweat. Yes, drenched in sweat. People around me would've thought I ran a marathon. But it eventually, slowly, faded away by time.

Due to my clumsiness, I had to check my purse several times, just to make sure I don't leave anything important laying around anywhere. That was easier since I just had my backpack and my purse with me.

So then, on the way from the LRT changing to the KTM station, I was held back by this guy. Of which, I was already before, the first time I came home with my friend. And I decided to give him a chance to talk and so on and so forth. He talked for like 20 minutes, when he said it'd only take 2-3 minutes. Haha.

I had my earphones on. -Cough- Since I wear hijab, people don't notice this. Some. Very few. I'm pretty sure a wire hanging on my shirt would give them a clue. -Shrug-

The guy is like some kind of... service thing. Lol, I don't really know how to explain it. It's just like that, service thing. Insurance, stuff. And when he asked me my age (beforehand he asked if I were working or still studying)..

"How old are you?"

Me: "I'm 18."

Him: "Seriously? I'd thought you were.."

Me: "20+? I know. I get that a lot."

Him: "You just seem so mature."

Bla bla bla. I really get that a lot. One time this man asked me if I were married. Shocker. It would've been more realistic if I had my gold ring on at that time..

Afterwards, I decided not to sign up, and FINALLY walk away, and was like, "Wow, he just spent 20 meaningless minutes with me. Woo. Thanks. xD" and right after, the train I was supposed to get on arrived. Just on time. Again, thanks.

For that while, I felt so exhausted. First, I was extremely thirsty. Thank God I wasn't fasting today. I would've felt so lifeless. Secondly, I was sooo hungry. I just had one decent meal for like, 3 days, I think? And the meal was so spicy, and sooo... whatever. I'm still thirsty and dying, by the way.

Arriving upon Nilai, I hurried to a shop where I purchased 100 Plus after convincing myself I REALLY, HONESTLY, needed a good, cold, isotonic drink. Wah, felt so good after that. But then I had to do more waiting, because upon my text to my mother that I arrived, she was just about to do her prayer.

So I walked around. Yes, me, who doesn't like clothes and shopping, actually walked around some shops. Particularly the flower shop, where I choked on my drink. xDD

Want to know why? I was drinking right before going past it, and... Adam's song 'Hi' came on and I almost, deliberately, spitted out the water in my mouth and choked. It's been so effin' long since I heard his voice, nor his song. (l) Brings back good memories. (:

Oh yeah, before I had purchased the drink, two girls came up to me and was like, "Do you know the way to Giant?"

I was like, "Giant Nilai?"

"Yeah, can it be reached by bus?"

Me: "I'm not sure, but I suppose you can go there by taxi? It's not that far from here."

Right after I said that, I was like, "Why the heck did I say that? We're in Nilai, of course it'd be Giant Nilai. -_-" And seconds after.. "Well, you never know. Maybe there's a lot of Giant around here that I might not know about." Self-conversation there for a moment.

I'm always surprised why people ask me these questions. Is it because I look nice and kind? Or is it due to the fact that there's nobody around to ask? I doubt that. There were a lot of people around. -Shrug- Maybe I look like a person people need to ask questions at. Maybe I should be a question booth now. Woo. From a walking dictionary... Well, questions booth is kind of like a walking dictionary, I guess.

Aww. I thought my rank would go up a bit.. ;(

Man, I should really get a drink.... I wonder if my roommates are asleep or not. They're probably not. =P They slept as I left for the train station, I don't know if they were even awake to take their laundry on time. Maybe I should've reminded them. Lol. I can't spoil them too much, though.

Like this morning for example, I woke up late on purpose. Especially since they said they're going to college at 11. So yeah, I didn't wake up as early as 7, also because I didn't want to go back to sleep afterwards. (P.S. we always do this. ALWAYS) So eventually I slept until I couldn't anymore and slipped away to the shower and getting ready. And then, Yan and Ekyne proceeded to do the same. It's been like that for the past two weeks that we've been roommates.

And I just realized why. Before I left the house, my roommates were talking and they were like, this morning I woke up early, but then I saw you guys still asleep, so I went back to sleep. I had to chuckle, because I kind of did the same, even though I'm STILL the first to wake up between the three of us. And we're always the last ones to go out. And especially because our class hasn't yet started. Yay for us.

Kinda, because WE JUST found out our schedule TODAY, and we STILL don't know when we start. I heard that we start Monday next week. Maybe that's true. Blah. I'm already home, what the heck.

MAN, I'm still thirsty. Gotta stop ranting about this in my spot and get my bum, and throat, to a drink. Haha.

Well, that's a mouthful. That's all for now.

~

Not afraid.

Yup, I'm not.

Yesterday I was at Mid Valley Megamall. My family and I walked for like 5 hours.. when I finally got back home, I could barely feel my legs. Though I still couldn't sleep after all that. Grr!!

Anyway, yes, to the title.

My mother and sister were looking at handbags. I'm not the type to look at all these stuff and things. I'm just not interested, sorry. :] I can walk with you, but if you're asking me to look at clothes, shoes, and all that; you're really asking for too much. Lol.

Anndddd... this song was playing.

I found myself mumbling to it... and this guy across me was rapping along to it. When I noticed it, I was like, smiling to myself. We were like singing along to the song. PS: The song is great! I love Eminem's recent songs. His rapping has really gone from great to epicness.

Oh, and to all my friends and to all the people leaving for matriculation today... Good luck! I'm still not sure where I'll be going. Still waiting. Haha, have been waiting for like 6 months now. It's okay though.

I seem to blog more; I don't know, maybe I just have more things to say, or I'm remembering my blog more and more since I'm gonna be gone next month. :(

I'm gonna miss my blog and my friends.

But I still have time left. Lotsa time.

-Out-

Blood.

No, I'm not gonna freak you out with some creepy pictures. (Maybe.)

Anyway... Hi! I've got some.. answers, I suppose. To my own questions.

The other day I was talking to my wife, Maya, about slitting wrists in the bathtub. Why? It's not because I was being suicidal or I'm thinking about it, or ANYTHING at all in the line. *coughs* Yeah, so it's because once upon a time, when I was in Form 3 (15 year old, for those not familiar with the forms), I stumbled on this book. Yes, I literally stumbled on it. I almost fell over. (awkward laugh) Nah, joking.

So yeah, this book was about this Polish woman with her family (I almost said 'he' there..) and stuff went on. Don't judge me, I don't remember half the things that happen in my life. And, yeah, so in this one particular chapter, her father, torn apart from humiliation (since they were living in a foreign country, you know how it goes) decided to slit his wrist.

And guess what? He placed his slitted wrist in a bowl of water.

Also, because I saw the video clip 'Perfect' by Pink.

The part where the girl, in the bathtub, with blood. Yeah. She slit her wrist, I came to that conclusion.

So it got me thinking... Why do people slit their wrists in the bathtub? Or the bowl of water? Is there some sort of explanation to it? Yes. Thank you Detective Conan.

Shinichi (Conan, the main character, genius detective [took me so long to spell that! xD]) solved this mystery, as usual.

http://www.anime44.com/detective-conan-episode-615

I won't spoil it to y- .. oh what the heck, I'm gonna spoil it to you anyway. =]

It's a two part episode (meaning the case had to be in two episodes [614-615]) where Shinichi and his friends went up to the mountain with the professor, Professor Agasa (sorry, I don't really know how to spell his name) and their car broke down on the way back. So Shinichi and the others had to stay whilst the professor went downtown with the tow truck. It started to rain so Shinichi decided that they had to take shelter. Bla bla bla, they went back to the villas they crossed before, and heard a peculiar tune. On a piano. Known as, Air on the G-String. If I'm not mistaken, it's by Bach. Yeah, Google it for me, will you? =P

On and on with the case, and in the end, the culprit had slit his wrist and placed it in a running hot water in the bathtub. (Again with the bathtub, right?)

Fuh, so long until the conclusion; this is where Shinichi (Conan, for those not catching up with the names) explains why.

Apparently, if you place your bleeding hand into hot water, or water in general I suppose, it prevents clotting of the blood. And I had to apply my Biology in here;

The Mechanism of Blood Clotting.

I have to take my book so that I know I got this right.

So, essentially, when you cut yourself, accidentally or not, the blood will naturally clot. Unless you have haemophilia, in which case; cut yourself and you'd literally bleed out to death.

I'm not gonna type out all the specifics, but I'll put some in as much as I can without sounding like a textbook.

1) When a blood vessel is damaged/cut/impaired, a tissue called the connective tissue in the vessel wall will be exposed to blood plasma.

2) Platelets that release chemicals known as clotting factors, making the surrounding platelets sticky, stick immediately to the connective tissue.

3) The forming of platelets becomes something called a platelet plug; that in turn, can stop blood completely, providing the impairment is small.

4) If said damage is severe, the plug has a backup; a clot of fibrin.

5) Platelets, damaged cells and clotting factors in the plasma (still with the blood) form activators (also knowns as thromboplastins).

6) Thromboplastins, acting with Ca+ and vitamin K, converts prothrombin (an inactive plasma protein) to thrombin (active plasma protein.)

7) Skipping out on all the names, in the end, the fibrin earlier aggregates, forming a 'bandage' over the wound, trapping red blood cells and sealing the wound.

The end.

And where's our question? Why slit your wrist and put it in running hot water?

Because it'll stop the formation of platelets, the proteins, preventing blood clotting thus making it easier for you to bleed out to death. If so you wish.

Long explanation and such a short answer, I know. But it's still good to know all those things.

Yes, so I'm ending. Goodbye.

I was reading..

Sharina Hwaiting!'s blog. :) Sorry if I spelled that wrong ! D;

So then I thought, hmmm, I haven't been updating my blog. *sadness*

Haha, and fortunately, I have something to say.

My father had just informed me that we are going to Pulau Pinang (my mother's hometown) for her uncle's child thing wedding. Whatever.

Hahaha.

Lol, so yeah, going to Pinang? Yayyy? I'm not sure.

I'm kinda sad to leave my lappy.... *sweatdrop* Technology sadness, much?

Yeah... and next week is UniKL registration day. 15th May.

I'm not sure what to think of it. I'm PROBABLY not going, seeing my parents' answers.

Though I have just completed an application form for KPTM (Kolej Poly-Tech Mara). Don't ask.

Hm.

Excited and anxious? Not a pleasant feeling. Feels like your stomach is churning and flipping all in the wrong places. Lmao. And next Monday is my next driving class. (Hurry to another soreness of my body.. -_-) Last Wednesday, I bruised my leg. I don't even know what I did. But it's pretty bad. Red and all. But now it's green, and that's a generally good sign. (Generally.)

It should get better.

My dislocated right shoulder and arm is okay now, though. I can actually move without flinching and saying, "Oww" every now and then.

Ohh, but I'm so tired right now. Don't know why.

Lack of sleep? Maybe. Maybe I'm just this tired all the time, who knows? o_O

So if I don't go online tomorrow... means I'm off to Pinang. Kinda excited 'cause then I can go on the ferry again. Though I'm seasick, ugh. Bad sea. Bad Amira.

Anyway, I think I'm done? o-o

'Till next time, whenever that would be.

Weddings.

Lmao, so like.. on the 5th of March, I'm gonna be attending ANOTHER wedding.

Yes, another.

I know what you're thinking; I probably attend too much to not be able to think about them.

So I've been listening to Big Bang *embarassed* and I thought, "HEY, I could do a whole post on weddings!" *got stuck on Taeyang =-=;*

But first..

Taylor Swift. :P Can't run away from her songs, aha..

And Taeyang!

Okay, um o-o I think weddings are fun to attend. I personally like to see the bride and groom's room. *little girl moment, weeee*

Oh yeah, so SPM results are coming out soon.

I've been anxious and all, maybe that's why my insomnia is creeping back to me.

And... my hand is okay! well.. I can move it, at least. Had to pay a lot for the x-ray films (-_-;)

Nyaaa.

Enjoy the vids. ^^

*ran out of words to say*

Until I find my ideas again, sayonara.

First post of 2011? Yeps.

As of today, 2nd Jan 2011, I've finished Season 1 of Shinrei Tantei Yakumo.

...So now I've got no more anime to watch, and I am wayyyy too lazy to catch back up on N. Shippuuden.

That, and Darker than Black is suddenly out of range -- Can't find it anymore.

I'm quite sad.

I also have to wait for 10 months until I get a year older. ..What a wait. ;/

Oh, and hopefully, I'll be registered next week for the L.

I'll get the P soon enough.

Dad decided to teach me how to put the petrol in the car -- Best(easiest) practical ever.

Okay, um, 2011 is weird. Hopefully the rest of the year turns out better.

I won't tolerate for worst. >:[

I'm done. Toodles.