Bleh, this is rather fun.

Depression is a psychiatric disorder characterized by feelings of worthlessness, guilt, sadness, helplessness, and hopelessness. It is different than normal sadness or grief from the loss of a loved one because it is persistent and severe. Clinical depression has many related symptoms; sleeplessness or insomnia, eating disorders, withdrawal and inactivity, self-punishment, and loss of pleasure. People who are depressed usually stop doing those things which they take pleasures in doing.
Surveys show that approximately twenty percent of the people suffer from depression at any one time and that about one in four people will suffer from depression over the course of their lifetime. Depression strikes men and women of all ages and of all races, but most studies indicate that women are more prone to this affliction.
There are two major forms of depression. One is called depressive disorder. This is identified by episodes of depression. The episodes can be short or long but are usually brought about by a single incident in a person's life such as the sudden demise of a loved one. The other kind is called bipolar or manic depressive illness, which is recognized by alternationg depressed and manic episodes. This an actual brain disfunction. In the major depression or the depressed phase of bipolar illness, a depressed mood predominates, even though the patient may not be aware of feeling sad. Typically, he or she looses all interests in activities. Symptoms may include sleep disturbances, not able to concentrate or to make decisions, loss of appetite or greatly increased appetite, slowed thinking and decreased energy, feelings of worthlessness, guilt, hopelessness, deminished sexual interest (Might explain why I dont like anyone right now. o_o) and recurrent thoughts of suicide and death (Huzzah~!) and sometimes even leading to actual suicides or suicidal attempts. In the manic phase of bipolar disorder, the patient's behaviour is bizarre and sometimes obnoxious. A person in such a state would be hyperactive and have lots of energy (So this is what made my stamina rise), would be talkative (Chatty!) having racing thoughts, and a diminished need for sleep (So you say. z___z) As can be seen, it is very hard to recognize the disorder in this state. Both depressive and bipolar disorders run in families. (Oh? My parents are such happy people, I'd never thought of that.)
The depressive disorders are among the most treatable in psychiatry. (I love psychology.) The usual treatment in modern practice involves the administration of antidepressant and supportive psychotherapy. (Well arent someone glad I can take pills. xD) The three main types of antidepressant are selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRI's), tricyclic antidepressant (TCA's), and monoamine oxidase inhibitors (MAOI's). (~_~ Oy..) SSRI's and TCA's prevent brain cells from reabsorbing excess neurotransmitters after the chemicals have delivered their messages. SSRI's block the reabsorption of the neurotransmitter called serotenin. SSRI's include the most widely prescribed antidepressant, fluoxetine (Prozac). TCA's, such as the drug amitriptyline (for example, Elavil), block the reabsorption of several neurotransmitters, including serotonin and norepinephrine. MAOI's, which include the drug pheneizine (Nardil), inactivate a protein that breaks down excess neurotransmitters. (Wow, so many hard words. ~_~)
Most antidepressants are taken by mouth, and all require the prescription of a doctor. The drugs may cause various side effects. For example, SSRI's can cause increased anxiety, poor sleep (.__. Now I've got the answer to my questions!), nausea, and loss of sexual interest. TCA's can cause hypotension (low blood pressure), irregular heartbeat, and constipation. MAOI's may combine with certain foods or drugs to create life threatening hypertension (high blood pressure).

First off, wow! O_O Now, did we all learn something? ._.;
Yup.. I'm just insane about these stuff, cant help it.

Pass away, pass away bad influence!

Bleh, I'm just seriously pissed off at a certain someone right now.. It's my right, who is she to stop me..?

Meh, maybe death is too hard but..at least crying isnt all that bad. .__. The fact that..bah! I aint gonna eat today, not in the mood to.
Lost all of it this morning, so much for that. I'm grateful man..
So far, my day just keeps getting worse. By far worse than before, but then again, isnt it always like this?
Sunday morning and people just keep on irritating me.. ._.

Grrr, I'm so mad I could kill for a hug. xD That's very funny.. No seriously, I could kill for a hug. Just one? But no... everyone's too fucked off to care for this girl. .-.

Fuck, fuck, fuck! ~_~ Bah, now I'm really mad!

Better get this over and done with before some more words come out, buh-bye!

Float like the clouds..

Um.. so where did I stop before? Oh yeah, Tuesday right? o_O

Now, Wednesday 9th July
Okay so I forget a lot. Including the fact that it was Wednesday. xD
Lets skip the morning shall we Doll-chan? Right after recess, my bestie and I head to the ICT lab (so yeah, I'm just used to call it that so bleh..) And you know what? We have the whole four periods in there. xD Mostly doing nothing cause the computer just have a grudge against us, so it wouldnt let us put in the marks. ~_~

GREEEEEEEEEENNNN.............>_____________>
Okay, I'll stop. xD
Thurday, 10th July o_o
PE! ^__^ Oh my god, we spent the lesson in the rain! xD Mostly doing nothing but throwing balls around o.o;;; softball we were practicing for.. .-.; Right after that, it was extremely cold. x_x
With the fan and all, everyone technically was shivering right to the bones.. ._______.;
Boy I'm glad that's over.

Friday finally! :D
I looooove Fridays. .-. In the assembly, it was about the Indonesian students leaving our school after two weeks (well, we only saw them for 3 days and that was it. .-.;;). It's supposed to be like giving the students over there a chance to come here and us to go there. ~_~ But.. it's only for 14, 16 and 17 year olds.. not us ;_________; so I dont have any chance @.@ But, but..
Our trials' not on the 20th August :0 It's on the 2nd ..of August. ._. Bleh, forget that.
So what's else..? Hmm..Oh yeah, the essay. ~_~
Bah, Imma work on it later~ I'm too tired now. @_@

In case you were wondering Doll-chan, to why I'm awake at this hour, it's cause I cant fall asleep. I cant even remember what I said to father. .-. And now, I.. I'm going to have my moment. xP
Man .__. Right where you want me- Jesse McCartney is what I'm listening to now. o_o

Another day, another lifeless piece of soul left behind

Okay, so lets start with Monday, 7th July.

Hmm.. so yeah, woke up at 5:58 am exactly (I checked the second also o_O). Well, nevermind that. First period, History. :0 Oh my god.. my history essay is gone. x_X Thanks to that, I'm going to have to do it.. again! Urgh. Following with boring Science lesson.. and I cant BELIEVE that bitch! She cuts..?! T_T Without my notice and permission. >:\ Imma kill her.. xP Oh well, resisting it is hard enough, had to resort to the guy that was sitting next to me to distract me. He failed horribly. Hmph! So much for that. xD lolz~ Sorreh Ali!

Recess had gone so quick, my counseling went by. I kind of feel relieved of that (also maybe cause I missed double periods of Malay! :p) Religion on the other hand was.. I dont know. Probably quite good (despite the thing we're learning about.)

Tuesday 8th July~

xD First off, I still cant get over that kawaii kid (a prefect-in-training) that recited the morning's prayer! Soo cute~ xP Just when the assembly's almost finished, the teacher gathered a few.. model shall we say :p Spiky hair style, rail tail (? o.o) and so on. Dude, the teacher had asked the whole school (that was present, not counting the evening school, duh!) what was wrong and some boys (sitting just a few metres away from me) answered it differently.
See, the teacher had asked about the hair and they had answered that the boy (poor victim~) hadnt got any tie! xD Out of question and world man~ (Well, he DID didnt wear the school tie, which in my opinion, kinda smart).

And.. that day, I almost lost my voice. I was.. screaming for no reason whatsoever. Just felt like losing all that stress away xD We got some time to work on our Geography work (thanks to the Arts teacher ^_^) and well, guys like to sit next to me. Not that I dont mind, but I aint bothered with it. It's kinda cool that they at least cheer me up (especially Herman, he's practically my punchbag xD)

You know what? It's kinda funny how my best friend says that I'm like her younger sister (when I'm the one acting like the older. A week doesnt count! ;__;) She did.. or rather.. had asked me.
A broken hearted is not what I'd describe myself though I'm struggling just to keep moving on. Bladeblabla~ Why should I bother... .-.

In tuition, this freaking tomboy girl just wont stop irritating me. ~_~ It's hard enough I HAD to sit behind her, she even hits me. >:0 Not hard maybe just playfully? xD Still, it hurt like hell.
T_T and dude, I just cant believe we're close with each other.

Dont think I am getting more time on the laptop since exams are just around the corner, so give me a break if I dont attend to you.

Oh yeah, I'm currently waiting for my beloved father to call. Might take a while but I'm just dying to hear my father's voice. ;_____; Urgh, apparently I'm too tired to do anything right now but the thought of my homework drives me on. .__. Later y'all~

What shall be the title? ._.

Yeah well, it's Sunday again. Oh great.. Today ought to be a lovely day; you know, go out and stuff. But no... it had to start with something else ~_~
When I turned on my mp3, the song Over you (in full blast! x_x)suddenly gave me a heart attack. .-.;

Every now and again, Imma murder that song! But.. not now.. or ever. ._> But yeah, now that I've finished my English work.. (wait, did I? o_O) Hm..at least I've finished my notes on the dead. o_o

In religion, we're learning about how to face death.. hold on, not how to face it O_O but.. what to do when you see a person dying. Firstly, you ARE FORBIDDEN to.. uh..er.. how do you say that again... hmm... to cry..? .__.; I dont remember.. something to do with facing the situation calmly. About having to let GO of that person and hope for it's peace as their spirit leaves their body.. OH great. .-.

Well enough of that! ^^
Note to self : Check homework and friend's homework before it's too late, sew nametag, get something to drink (aka DRINK MORE ._.)

Now, time for reminiscing. I finally found Daniel's (my cute and adorable baby brother. He shall be 3 years old ^o^) pics.. but because of that, I also found pictures of my parents on last Eid. .-.; I just realized how handsome my father is.x3
And how my sister and I resemble my mother's appearance in many ways. xD Except for the fact that I got myself glasses o_o and that's just the best part! Cause .,,,,.;; NO ONE shall confuse me and my sister.. that's my hope and I shall bite anyone who says I'm the older sister! >:0 I mean come one, I'm barely 15 (but is almost as tall as my adoring sister :p) xD Lolz!

You know.. I was just running on three hours of sleep this morning and had to take some coffee to stay up and do my notes. x_X I feel sorry for myself.. literally. o.o
Speaking of which, my Dad hasnt been calling me up, I wonder if he's busy..? Well of course, he's always in Paris or Warsaw. .-.; I want him back in Malaysia >,,,>;
But it's kinda good, cause my phone's being rebellious these days. Once it landed on the floor from my bed.. (good thing I didnt break it Q_Q)x3

Aya, I still have school. It's kinda unfair.. all my friends in Poland are on break ~_~ and I'm struggling with my studies.. but I know I have a lot of people praying for my success, thanks to that! ^O^ Gosh, I still cant get over the fact that THAT face is sooo kawaii~


Hmm.. Doll-chan, should I put up my own pic? ._. Well what do YOU think? .-. Maybe no, keep my identity as low as possible. For why? I dont know.. These days, my dreams has become an endless field of emptyness. Like seriously, I dont remember what I dream about (which is good cause I KNOW that it's bad enough for me to not remember it; ignore the fact that I'm absent-minded.):p

Omigosh, my ears are gonna go deaf. .__. Malaysian music.. I mean the indie bands.. endless of them, many of which I dont know (except maybe Estranged) but I dont have any interest in them. Oh damn.... I missed the American Top 40 on Friday! x_X Argh.... I'm sure it shall repeat later in the night or something. T_T

Well my calculations was wrong, it WASNT cloudy. ._.; Instead, it was freaking hot! (Even though I never followed my step family to that wedding, I still feel hot.. .-.)
Okay.. now it's getting dark, gotta open- SWITCH on the light! (I remember when I used to tell my mother how saying open the light is wrong according to some grammar rules or something xD She used to get sooo irritated, maybe that's why she likes to bully me..? )

You know what? My sister hasnt come home since... the last 2 weeks and I aint complaining .-.; She's obviously busy, being in U isnt all that easy, even I know that. Though.. I wonder how her BF is doing.. and how her ex is doing, I havent been able to contact him (and her ex is like my own brother, though he's just as stubborn as myself x3) Speaking of which, my big brother got the chicken pox. :0 Now, only my sister and I are the only ones who didnt get it yet (wonder if Daniel's got it also with my brother, Radzi?) Too many questions left unknown.. I dont even know how many A's my big brother got in his last exam. .__> Well he's like first born and utterly clever, I'm SURE he did just fine.

Talk about which.. I've got this other oral I have to remember .___. but it's like pair work (my partner hasnt been to school, how the hell can I practise? :0) Well great, another work delayed for some time ^_______^

Oh god, I DONT KNOW what song is playing on the radio right now, all I know is that it's making my deaf <,,,,< xD well duh, it ought to.. cause well, I've got my mp3 on full blast. :p Papa jahat.. xDD this song is hilarious!! Almost as fun as the song 5x2 by this Indon band or something, I have no idea. o_o

Now all I have to do is figure out why I've got the word 'komsas' written on my right arm (surely it's supposed to remind me of something? since my notepad is useless at reminding me O_O I mean anything.. cause well, I merely check it out! xP)Oh yeah, I just reminded to remind myself that there's a difference in remembering death and wanting death (I still dont see it, someone slap me >,,>;;) And oh! I havent ironed my school clothes! o_O And yes, here we've got uniform (the prefects' uniform is cool yet hilarious if you look at their blouse xD)

WELL, Imma go get some water before I dehydrate... >,,>;
Walhitaufi Walhidayah, Wassalamualaikum Warahmatullah hiwabarakatuh (forgive my spelling, we never learnt how to spell it all in words <,,,,<)And.. Until next weekends, I wish YOU all the best. o.o

So yeah, bored is the cure for boredom. ._.

Ah.. how should I start? >>

Maybe with the 1st of July.
So yeah, 1st of July.. the day he said goodbye.. T_T
Argh >< >> and I got a haircut. Hurrah~
I literally went insane, was screaming at my best friend >_> and then tripping all over the place like some mental maniac on the lose. :p Trust me, my moments aint nice to see... >> or be near to it.
And yeah o.o We had Indonesian students.. ._. like two of them, both girls.
Probably around my age << >> I love how Indonesians speak, it's so.. different. o_O

2nd of July! << 4 months till my b-day but yeah, birthdays are supposed to be nice, no? I cant remember what I did on that day.. <<
Probably.. but I'll leave that. Like my friends would say 'Abaikan..' but, I did skip tuition (SO not on purpose >< )>> At school, I read the surah Yassin <<

o.o And Aizat (this guy.. >>) told me that the science teacher missed me. xD He said the teacher kept on saying my name.. <-< >> And I just realized I dont use colours today.. or whatever day it is.. << cause my life is officially grey. No colours whatsoever. Just empty.. nothingness that fills inside me while I wait for him.. -___-;; Why do I feel poetic..

Well that is all, I am too lazy now. << Later?