Thursday, October 6, 2011


I'm feeling a bit giddy today, regardless of things going around me, and inside of my head, as usual. :)

This remind me, so much of my old crush.
I remember watching him going here and there, not realizing that I was staring.

I remember the first time I met him; at the airport.
Of course, it started when I was kinda hating on him. And before I realize that I was falling for him, he was in a scandal with a friend of mine. *the irony*

Time went on, and it was my turn to be in a scandal with him.
There was a time when I was running down the stairs, literally jumping from one floor to another (I was on the fourth floor at the time) and my friend was in front of me, I saw him pass and I automatically stopped. LOL. Maybe I shouldn't have because I almost bumped into her. I was all, "Goddamnit, why now X///X"

And the times where I'd have dreams of him, were always me chasing him and he'll never be there. Always turns out to be some sort of hallucination of some sort. It sometimes upset me badly. I hated waking up to those dreams. Because I was only a little past 13, and it got me to thinking. A lot. Oh well.

I think the sweetest memory with him was when it was Sports Day. I recall it was... 2006-ish.
It was the second time, ever, he talked to me. Well, we had a laugh. He looked so sweet laughing with his dimples.. Haha. I was obviously so in love with him. Only he didn't know that. Or maybe he knew, but he just didn't like me like that.

The first time he talked to me, it was in the winter of.. 2004? or something.
I was surprised, because that day I just happened to drag my feet out of the classroom and I wasn't exactly in the mood of getting out early and JUMPING through the stairs. -.-; Yeah, I guess he talked to me because I was literally the only person around in the halls. He asked questions about the incoming Christmas concert at the time. The school, did concerts for the summer and Christmas. And yeah, almost the whole school participates. Especially nursery and reception. <--- Kindergarten, in two phases.

The next day, I was telling my friend -- yes, the one who was in the scandal with him. I remember saying, "I don't know what he said... he seemed to be talking too fast." She grinned at that. At the time, I didn't understand why, but I guess she saw through me, that I was slowly having a crush on him.

The first time -I- talked to him, was due to a dare, by surprise; my friend.
We were just standing up in the hallway, the same hallway that I just happened to be walking past when he talked to me, because there was a ballroom class in our classroom. Usually we have our lunch break in the classroom, the school isn't big enough to have a canteen fitting all the students. Only elementary children eat there; we prefer going out -- except from me.
She told me, "You are supposed to smile to EVERYONE and say hi". I couldn't help but groan. Only one thought went through my head, "What if HE passes by? @_@"
Yeah, and he did so I said hi and I recall him smiling a little before walking away and said nothing. I thought I was going to pass out.

Oh, crushes.
I don't remember the last time I felt that way; so happy, so content with everything. Not that I'm unhappy right now. And yeah, I can talk about ALL that because I've gotten over the whole thing. I can probably write out to a whole novel and try to get it published. Then again, I barely got two chapters of this story I've been writing...

Anyway, I think it's great that crushes exist. Not one-way torn apart love. Just... feelings for somebody who made butterflies in your stomach go wild every time they come around, every time they smile, laugh.. even the sound of their voice from far away, you know, that's them. Blah, babble at me for the fact that that's love. It's different to me. Crushes and love -- two different things. Love is stronger. Crushes are usually... people you feel that you're never going to have. At least for me. Love can make you sick. Crushes send butterflies no matter the day, the mood, no matter what happens. I miss that feeling. When you feel so much towards a person, all you wanna do is stare at them and see their smile. ... But don't become a stalker or something. xDD That's just way too extreme.

Not that I don't feel that way. :) You know what I mean.
I'm glad I wasn't born emotionless. I'm happy that I can't get rid of my feeling no matter how much I want to. I mean, I guess I can. But then my life would be too much of a bore.
It's great to feel something.
Numbness is dull. In some cases, that's the best thing that could EVER happen to you. And I understand that. Because I've been sick, terribly, just from over-worrying. -.- And that's because I'm crazy and.... yeah, crazy. xD

Yeah well... I got another post for October. O.O Wow! Usually I have only one per month.
Regardless, au revoir, my lovely blog~

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