First off,

can I say a Happy birthday to two people that's close to my heart?

Happy birthday, Akmar. I hope that, maybe, somehow you come across this, I just want you to have a blissful 18th birthday. Enjoy it.. and you always deserve more than I could give you. I would say I'm sorry; perhaps I am, but I take all the consequences of my actions, because at the time and now, letting go of you was the most right thing I could ever do. Happy birthday, love.


Happy birthday.. in a few hours of his timezone, to my first guy best friend and love, Joseph. I'm still furious at what you did to your foot that got you 23 stitches, but eh, what you said was so sweet, I couldn't even get angry at you. I hope you enjoy your day, and we both know I've been counting since ever. Happy birthday. (l)


To everyone whose birthday is in the last few days of October, I wish you all a happy one.


I wanna wish also, to my November buddy, Az, whose birthday is a day before mine. Remember what you said about our birthdays? That you were born in the day of the dead and I was born in the day of the reborn? That made me feel special, in a strange, odd way. Haha. But you are a good friend and I regret that the friendship had lost somewhere.

Hm... patching and waiting and reinstalling and reloading of Asda has taught me patience. When I came home last night from a small trip to the outside, the patching was still not properly done. I couldn't get angry, upset or whatever. I was just like, okay, this has to work. Somehow. Somewhen. Someday.
But then I guess it's fine, since I'm studying back my Maths. Mother said I should go back to Statistics -- meh, I'm one chapter to it, anyway.


Oh, and Happy Deepavali to those celebrating it today! Have a wonderful day, all of you. Celebration or not. My younger brother's going back today and coming back on the 3rd. My mother's on a week long holiday, yeah; I know.

This feels like a dedication post now, but, I want to say, thank you to everyone who has been reading my rants in posts, my mumbles and to my top read post, Welkomen, with 131 posts, (wow!) you all are amazing people.

Here is a random...trail of thoughts.

But I couldn't see what is to be seen. All I saw was the image of the girl crying. I stood my ground, holding myself with my forehead to the lockers. The hallway seemed to be disappearing. I'm hallucinating, I thought, this all couldn't be real. It can't even be a dream. I fell to my knees, trembling in unknown fear. Fear that I was slowly losing it. Past events had driven me up the walls, to my self-defence, I've always been alone and by myself. Losing it would be one way to put it.


"Alena... Alena!"
 I shook upright immediately in a hospital bed, my face to her shoulder. Gail Rights. I mouthed an 'ow' and levered back slowly. My doctor, and my childhood friend, had been holding my hand. I squinted my eyes, trying to remember what had happened. I was driving on my way back from a class... and a blinding light -- I got into an accident!


Gail frowned deeply. "Alena, are you awake? Can you hear me?"


I sighed, and asked the stupid question, "How did I get here?"


     "You got into an accident, you accident-prone person!" It looked like Gail gritted her teeth. "Thank goodness I was on duty, you're lucky I didn't go home just yet."
     I rolled my eyes and let the pain sink in before opening my mouth, grinning, "How serious is it?"
     "Well considering you're not in the ER, and in a room by yourself, you're stable. But you quite messed yourself up; your right arm and both legs are going to need some serious recovery. I'm surprised you didn't break your ribcage like you always wanted. And.. you're going to need a new car."
     "Excellent. I wanted one, anyway. But I suppose I'm stuck for a long time, huh?"
     "Big time."
     We looked at each other for a while, before bursting out with laughter. "I'm surprised you haven't given me a beating yet."
     "Oh, I will. Just as your doctor, I advise you to take loads of rest. By the way... did you have that dream?"
     I looked away to the window, biting on my lower lip. I have had that dream, consistently, for weeks, months, maybe years, I lost count. I closed my eyes for a while and glanced at Gail, "What time is it?"
     "You were out for three days, you mad child. It's 7am of a Tuesday." She brushed her thumb on my forehead, and I smiled lightly. 
     "You almost never wake up this early. You must be so worried."
     "Well.. I wanted to watch the sunrise with you. And yeah, what do you think? You ought to live in a bubble..."
     I giggled, gripping her warm hand. Looking at Gail and her perfection always calmed me down. The way her hair travelled down to her shoulder, the way her mouth goes to a flat line every time she gets upset at me. The way her deep brown eyes seemed to mesmerize me. I stared at Gail for a while and with a finger, she poked my forehead.
     "Maybe you were out for too long. Oh, look, the sunrise." 
     Gail and I both looked at the window as the lazy sun crept up from the hills, shining us with bright, and beautiful orange rays. I blinked, and I saw her. My little girl on my bedside, kissing my cold cheek. A tear went down, because it wasn't real. I lost my little girl and nothing could make her come back Gail reassured me that I could always get another child with James, my husband, but we both knew the chances were low and risky. Gail leaned to kiss my forehead, leaving me alone with my tears. She knew I wanted to be alone. I didn't want her to see me like that, as much as it hurt her to leave.
     "I have work to do. Sleep well, my love."




The sun mocked my acceptance to everything that has happened.