Hmm, where should I start?
Thursday, 20th October.
The night before, I slept in early because I was struggling so much to keep awake all day long, I went to sleep at around 8pm-ish and woke up around 12 that day, my sister saying we're going out. My brain processed that, somehow, and I was all, "But aren't we also going out Friday?"
I was still sleepy, wow, and my father kinda woke me up again, asking me if I said anything. I replied, pointing the fact that I've been asleep until he woke me up. I had to go out with my sister to see her friends, because my father has some trust issues. Parents. Anyway, I had the means to go back to sleep and I was in a good mood (surprise) that morning. So yeah, and I was out. From 7 till midnight of next day. Long 17 hours, if you want to ask about how I feel. If you don't, it's fine, too. xD Probably too much walking after two weeks (?) of not going out.
I found out that studying Statistics would require me to have some sort of decent communication skills. Inside I was already, "I'm screwed" but I was fine over it because I somehow managed to convince myself that the fact that I'm interested in the course would make up for it.
And.. I had Subway sandwiches for the first time. It was alright, just something I was looking forward to. My lecturer lighted up my bulb. If you understand what I mean. If you don't.... then you don't. Haha. What do I care?
Since I got home midnight, I barely made it to bed. Everything seemed to be spinning and my legs didn't seem to be in the right place.
Friday, 21st October.
When I woke up the morning, I was groggy from lack of sleep. Awake at 6am and the sleep didn't seem long enough to make up for my fatigue. Somehow, I found the means to get ready. Friday, the original plan of going out, because my father instructed my sister and myself to fetch my younger brother, Radzi, from the train station so he can learn and afterwards come home by such means. And it's the city centre. Lots of places to ward off bad thoughts.
We (my sister and I) had to spent some time in an army camp while my father finishes his work there. Because, well, I don't want to tell you that. =P While in the library, I did as best as I could to continue from where I left off in that psychology book, 'Mild and Severe Depression'.
It's said that, some psychologist thought that aggression (am I getting the term right?) or anger, really, is one of the symptoms of depression. Because of the anger the depressive feel towards something, it turns into self-guilt from feeling angry and feeling that the depressive doesn't deserve to feel angry. I feel like that, sometimes. Reason why I'm trying to kill off orange from myself. Though I can't seem to. And that's a stupid excuse. I've tried several times scanning my eyes over things and the first colour I notice is always, always orange. Ugh. Maybe I'm just biased, like I had thought originally. But I feel somewhat guilty, because many people I know are always saying, "Doesn't orange hurt your eyes?" ... I get mad over it. Overly sensitive. It's upsetting that I get upset over being upset over it. It's my favourite colour, why do I have to think about what other people think about it? Then again, who am I to just do as I like? I don't know.
My blog is orange, blue and grey. Past, present and future. No, you don't have to understand it.
I saw a friend of mine. I don't know what I was doing; I was flat out fatigued and I was swaying a little. She just stepped in front of me and was like, "MIRA~!" I looked up at the person in front of me (I was staring down at the floor, as I always do) and saw the person I haven't seen in three years. The first thing I did was put out my hand to shake hers and she hugged me tightly. I was a bit hesitant, because I had... some drama with her. And I didn't expect to be recognized by anyone. I was caught off guard, but in a good way, I guess. I actually have been thinking of her; her birthday's coming up but the last time I ever talked to her was some months ago, about if she saw me pass her at this shopping complex. And the fact that her birthday is the same as my ex's, plus a week before mine. It's hard to forget.
Saturday, 22nd October.
Today.
Well, in the morning I was still exhausted and my legs felt better. A little. But..... my family went somewhere and I had to follow. Go figure. We (my siblings and I) watched 'Real Steel'. I must say, I was bewildered that I was crying at the end. Or maybe everyone else was doing the same, I don't know. I was just touched over the whole father-son-relationship-thing. And Atom's amazing! I enjoyed the movie very much. Killed time and saved me a whole load of walking. :)
Oh and, yesterday, people were staring at me because I had my mini-sized sword keychain stuck to my belt area and I did a lot of sticking my hands into my pockets, because that's how I am. Can't change it, too bad for you, eh? It actually hurt, being poked by it, plus an amount of pressure inserted. I'm thinking of sharpening, it, maybe, whenever I would get around to it.
And the hiccups. I don't understand. I always get hiccups shortly after I gulp down food (and I was starving by the time I got around to eating yesterday). We went to pray and I hiccuped. Maybe loud. I noticed that the surrounding women/ladies stared at me. I was like, "What? Haven't seen a girl hiccup before? Sheesh."
Today people were staring at me because I had my new headphones on. I guess it's because not a lot of people use the kind of headphones I wear. Especially not a girl wearing hijab. I know people stared and I tried not to bother about it, but I just noticed a lot of people eye-widening over it. If that made sense. And this little girl bumped into me. She had short hair, shorter than mine; just a little longer than a boy's cut and was wearing purple long-sleeved shirt and black pants. I was like, o_O Hey there little lady, watch where you're going. She passed along and was kinda shocked that she bumped into me. I tried to smile and she walked away.
Strange.
Anyway, I walked for three days straight. Not that I don't walk on any other days, but it's like going out. I'm not outgoing as many people have found out. I don't want to have to go out... at least not any time soon. I only HAVE three weeks left top in this house before I start my studies.
Oh, and I have to say, Lenovo is an amazing laptop. Like you can actually hit the laptop hard and throw it around (just not too hard) and it'd still be working. And I found out that there is one laptop specially made for games, only, called Alienware.
Radzi said, "My friend said he has Alienware. ...And he showed his tupperware and was like, "See? Tupperware"." I had to chuckle about that, and it does sound better than it is written. And you wouldn't understand it, and my sense of humour is hard to decipher.
It's 10 minutes to 11pm.
No comments:
Post a Comment